Kitties, and Movies, and Flowers... oh my!

Some time last week, Felix, one of the stray cats we feed, didn't show up for dinner. He's missed a meal or two over the past year, but he shows up the next day for breakfast. We of course still worried about her (Mom thinks it's a she, we've never checked cuz we can't get close enough). Still no sign of her. Poor thing. When we moved here a year ago and started feeding her, we didn't think she'd last through the winter. I hope she died peacefully. And at least we fed her and talked to her. She pretty much lived on our lil yard and steps. Poor Tundra, the other stray, will be lonely now. So we talk to him more, and I even go out and play with him (with a string so I don't touch him and catch anything >.< ).

Spent Sunday at my Dad's again. :) We watched FOUR movies. That's a bit of a record for us. :P Okay so three of them were shortish animated movies. :P But it was a fun relaxing day. :) We watched Race to Witch Mountain, the Reef, Hercules, and Little Spirit. Yep, we watched the first Christmas movie of the year. :P Okay, so we're a little early. Just a smidge. :P I can still hear the Disney songs from Hercules in my head. :P "Who put the glad in gladiator....." :P And Race--- was a cute and funny movie too! :D

I brought home a couple of Dad's old shelves and unpacked three more boxes! Almost a year since we moved in, and we are almost done unpacking. Just two more boxes of books and one box of VHS tapes (episodes of Star Trek TNG and Voyager). I set them up in Mom's room. They look so nice and purdy. Dad says there's two more of the shelving units that we can use, so I'll put another one in Mom's room to empty one more box of books and the other I'll use for the DVDs as those shelves are full now and the collection is still growing. I'll take pics when all is set up. :) But it is sooooo cool to have the books in shelves instead of in boxes. They've been in boxes for YEARS. And of course the book collection for both Mom and I kept growing each move too. :P Yeah.... We're a family of readers... Always buying more and more books even when we have enough to last us at least a decade at home. :P

Soooo... Today (er, yesterday.... as it's now way after midnight)... I wake up, and Mom says there's a box outside. Well I can't go out til I shower, and she thinks it's just her stadium chair, a prize from work, so there was no rush right? I get ready, as I'm gonna go hang with Dad for "Target Tuesday" and then finally go outside. Not a chair.... I read the box. "Proflowers" But part of me ignored that and I went to read the label as I picked it up.. It was for ME! :D Yep, I stood there in a bit of happy confusion as it didn't say who from til I opened it. My wonderfully sweet best friend sent me flowers!

They're so prettiful too! They're actually prettier now even after this pic was taken. I'll probably take another later today with better lighting. And they smell sooo sweet too. I love ProFlowers. They really send them with great care and last longer too. So far the babies haven't attacked them. Yay. And I keep them safe out of reach when we're sleeping. Anyway, it was a totally happy surprise today. I seriously had to stop myself from crying.

I don't think we're in Kansas anymore. It's SO winday lately. Palm branches were all over the ground! And the power flickered a few times here at home and once as we were leaving Target. So if you don't hear from me... See if there's a new chapter in the Oz history books. :P

Sunday... That's my fun day.....

Sunday was Fun-tastic! :)

8:45 a.m. - Woke up 10 minutes late. Gasp! I totally blame the bizarre dream I had. I called Dad to let him know I was up (y'know, so he knew that I wasn't sleeping through my alarms and still gonna be in a coma when he came to get me. :P). Due to rushing around to make up the time, Mom and cats leaving little mess to clean up, and Dad running behind, it seemed like I was ready WAY early. Twas good. Had time to catch my breath and enjoy the morning fresh air. :)

10-10:30 a.m. - Dad picks me up and we head to find a place to eat. After passing up on a couple really busy places, we ended up at Huff's(?). Maybe the remodelling scared other customers away, cuz we were able to be seated almost right away.

11:03 a.m. - Glanced at my watch, while looking at the menu. We ordered and I swear, the food arrived like five later! The service was super friendly and FAST! Enjoyed a nice lil breakfast while watching the waitress laugh with the other customers. Soon as we finished, they whisked our plates away. I think the employees have super speed or something. I mean the check practically blew off the table after the waitress left it!

11:40 a.m. - Head out to the car when we see a Dallar Tree. (Did I mention the restaurante service was fast? :P ) Dallar Tree... 99cent stores... These places are DANGEROUS. :P Once I recall Mom and I going in one for a few bucks worth of candy and coming out with 50 bucks worth of stuff! It was ALOT of stuff... but still! We went in looking for one thing...came out with 42? 44? somethings. Te he?

1:ish p.m. - We made it to the store we actually intended. :P Barnes & Nobles. I LOVE bookstores. I could probably spend the entire day in one. We went to check out bookmarks, and I ended up seeing a purdy journal. I swear I could have ten unused journals and still go "ooo" to a pretty one I see. Anyway.. I grabbed it and figured if we saw a couple of inexpensive books (cuz them darn bookstores are always so expensive) I would snag the journal as it had a buy two get this half off deal... There were some, but eh.. Didn't feel like grabbing them. Nothing I HAD to have, y'know? Besides, the journal would have just collected dust before I used it. :P

2:ish p.m. - We went to Borders! Yay! More bookstore! (Did I mention I LOVE bookstores? :P ) This time we found the desired bookmarks. Very cute and purdy ones with tassles and bobbles. I like bookmarks with tassles and bobbles. :D We also snaged a couple of surprisingly inexpensive DVDs... at Borders of all places! Total shocker. Oh, almost fell on my butt after an elevator ride. Weird cuz my balance doesn't usually get thrown by elevators. But sure enough walked around a display case and had to steady myself.

?ish p.m. - Stopped at Wal-mart to grab some coffee for my Mom and to check for a DVD. They didn't have the one Dad wanted. I keep telling him to just order it online. :P The place was a mad house! I don't think I've ever seen it that busy so far away from Christmas! Dad found other goodies though. :) As it was almost five and we were hungry again, we stopped at the McD's in the store. And would you believe it, Dad STOLE someone's napkins! :o LOL! Well as usual, McD didn't give us any, and to be fair the table looked abandoned. But I saw the drinks were still full. I wonder if the theft was reported. :P I laughed the entire way out of the store.

5ish p.m. - We finally made it to my Dad's house. :P 5pm is often the time we leave his house to make those last minute stops or quickie store runs. :P Anywho, we watched the Proposal while we ate our burgers and chocolate shakes. Mmmmmm.... Good food, good movie, deliscious shake, and great company... :) All in all a wonderful way to end the fun filled day.

7:30 p.m. - Dad brought me home and helped me bring in my loot, which included (among other things) my very own Sudoku puzzle books. Those lil buggers are addictive! I did three of them later that night already.

It was a busy and fun day. :) Thank you, Daddy!

Just Like a Ride at Disneyland!

So, last weekend I actually had a full social life! Crazy right? Saturday, I spent the day  with Issicicle and her mom at..... DISNEYLAND! :D And Sunday I spent the day at my Dad's house. :)

The adventure began with Issi picking me up and us gabbing the whole way to her place, like always :D, and calls from her mom every five or ten minutes, :P. We ended up going to get her a flu shot. And holy cow man! Talk about an assembly line! Three saturdays in a row the hospital does the whole flu shot thing. You stay in your car, weaving in and out throughout the parking lot in a huge line of cars. They stop to ask questions and give ya info on the shots and then finally give ya the shot while you're still in the car... Twas the first ride of the day. :P Instead of a lollipop for the shot victim we all went to Dis after. :P

It's Halloween at Disneyland. Which usually just means the Haunted Mansion is decorated in the Nightmare Before Christmas look and Disney beanies in Halloween costumes and some Halloween decorations here and there. Year before last, Issi and I took a pic in front of a giant Mickey Jack-o-Lantern.

THIS year... They went all out! (Okay, maybe they did more in past years and I just forgot. :P ) ANYWHO.... There were some awesome Halloween fireworks with a light show and Disney Halloweeny music. :D AND and... Space Mountain was transformed to be all scary and stuff... Good Halloweeny music on the ride with ghosties and monsters trying to grab at ya. :P And it was REALLY FAST! Yep it was a blast!

We only went on the one ride, but that was SO worth it all by itself. While we were on the ride, her mom was saving seats for us to watch the fireworks. And oh boy! It was a good thing too, cuz they get PACKED come parade and firework time. We sat there for hours, playing cards, playing with our cell phones, and freezing cuz neither one of us dressed warm enough for the first cold weather of the season. :P Silly Cali girls...

Got me the cutest lil Mickey dressed in purple and carrying a lil Trick or Treating bat thing bag. No, he didn't have fangs, but he did come with a cape and a hat. He's adorable and I must remember to take a pic of him later. Picked up some cherry balls too.. Num num num.... They're all but gone already. Mom LOVES them. I'm not allowed to leave Dis without them. Next time she intends to send me with enough moola to get a dozen bags. :P Anywho, we ended the night with a nice lil late night dindin and then the ride home where I fell asleep as usual. :P

SUNDAY, Dad and I picked up some ingredients to make some food at his place. He cooked some nummy eggs and weinnies while I solved my first Sudoku puzzle! :D It was fun. We ate and watched a couple movies. :) It was a nice chillaxxin' Sunday. :D I love these lil Sundays. I've caught myself automatically expecting them now. Tehe?

Anywho... Off to eat left over KFC... num num num.....

Oh yay...

Yesterday we found a lil bunch of ants marching aimlessly in the hallway... Okay.. It rained.. Maybe they retreated into the house... Not a hord of em or anything.. Killed them... Found some more in the kitchen.. Lost soldiers? Not alot.. Killed them....

It's 4am.. I go into the kitchen to clean a few dishes from last night before going to bed (yeah I know I go to bed too late).... There's ants all over the fracking kitchen.... >.< I am soooooo irritated and upset and frustrated I want to cry and scream all at the same time...  I DO not want to do this again... I do NOT want to do this again....

Off I go... before Mom wakes up and finds them.... :(

^_^

I've been spending more and more time at my Dad's house. Like practicaly every sunday now for the past two or three months? Anywho.. We grab a quick breakfast, or go sit in a restaurant, or eat at his place. Then we watch movies and just sleslax. Okay, sometimes.. okay most times, we run errands before or after for Mom. But errands with Dad are never just boring errands. Hehe...

Last weekend, Dad came back out to the living room and I was reading or something, and he said something like he was sorry it was boring???? Today, Mom, who usually encourages me to go play with Dad (not that I need encouragement there. :P ), suggested I spend the day with Dad at least once every weekend, but then quickly asked "or is that too much?"

Who are these people? And why don't they know me? I guess they forget who they raised.... I'm the girl who likes just hanging with family and friends. I'm also the girl who is easily amused... Give me a good book or a nice lil show to watch and I'm set. :) I am happy to just sit and watch TV or read next to Mom or Dad any day of the week. :)

Small Blessings

Even at the worst of times, I am ever grateful for the small blessings. A beautiful sunset/sunrise. A cool day. A laugh shared with family or friends. A simple but satisfying meal. A successful market shopping trip. Affection from my furry babies. Happy memories popping into my head. Anything and everything.

It's been a good few weeks in the blessings department. My little banking booboo (human error) was happily resolved. Thank you God. Words from a medium or whatever have helped Mom try to let go some of her anger and guilt and as a result, Mom was able to join Dad and I for little family dinners again. Thank you God. I survived the six month mark without being too sad because I was enjoying the day with my Dad. Thank you God. A situation with the landlords that could have turned ugly was resolved and we will be staying put. Thank you God.

I don't read His word like I should. I can't remember the last time I went to church. While I talk to God often, I don't always pray, well not the traditional way I guess. But thanks to God's goodness, He continues to bless my life each and everyday and I continue to feel His prescence. Lord, thank You for Your many blessings and for the people in my life who You use to make those blessings.

Where's the Volume Control?

You know those families on TV where everyone yells rather than walk over to each other and just talk? I think I live next to one of those families... Or maybe more than one of those families. Mom and Dad are ALWAYS yelling at each other for every little thing.... Mom yells at kid for breaking something or messing with something... Kid yells back his "I didn't do anything!"s.... And they must be part of a species of yellers, cuz all there friends talk loud too. I get sporting events where all the guys "Yeah!" for each lil victory. I get the drunken hubby/boyfriends yelling to be let in. Don't like it, but I get it. But now chickadee's girl friend came over and the two of them were having a conversation as if they were talking over a crowd rather than in a quiet neighborhood within feet of each other. But then these chuckleheads also like to have fights in the middle of the streets, with one end in the car and the other in the apartment. Where is the mute button?

Poor Baby Teenager

I watched a special about a teenager stuck in the body of a toddler. For most of her 16 years, this girl has not grown beyond that of a two year old. Mentally, she's stuck at nine months old. I can't even imagine what that family has been through. For the special, of course, everyone put on their smiles. "She's so loving." "She's a miracle baby." The father even went as far as to say that "if someone had a pill to 'fix' her" he would tell them "one, she's not broken, and two, no thanks." That she was fine as she is. Yeah, right!

While mom, dad, two older sisters, one younger sister, and grandparents may all love the girl, I can't imagine anyone not wanting to see her grow up. As it stands right now, she will forever need someone to care for her. She can't talk, can't walk, and can't even eat normally. She is as the show called her, a child frozen in time. She is blessed with what looked like a large and loving family. So there's a saving grace, seeing as how mom and dad can't live forever. No one even knows how long she will live, since her genes don't age.

Seriously.... I can't even imagine being in any one of their shoes. I mean mentally slow developed individuals get frustrated over time. And here's a permanantly nine month year old mental status? I'm not saying that all families with disabled individuals would want their family members "fixed", but this poor kid will always be completely dependant and never able to fully express herself. Sure she may never know the difference, but I can't believe her father wouldn't want more for her. I mean c'mon, even the mother goes out of her way NOT to dress the girl in baby looking clothes. She's 16 and the mother tries to dress her like a big girl.

I don't know. It's kinda sad. I mean lots of mentally slow people go on to live semi-independant lives. And physically disabled individuals overcome challenges everyday. But this girl's got the worst of both worlds, essentially. I know she'll be loved. But no one wants to be a baby all their lives. And no sane parent wants their child to be a baby forever. I dunno.. I'm babbling. I think the dad should have said yes, he would have taken the pills to help his kid. Doesn't make him a bad guy to want more for her. If he was worried he'd look like a jerk, he could have said, "she's not broken, but yeah for her sake..."

On the other hand.. God has certainly tested their patience. And from the looks of things, that family has passed. Good for them. And they've been blessed with loving and supportive daughters and extended family and even granted aid for the girl's medical needs.

Pre Dawn Tears and New Fears

It seems I have a new routine. I'm not sure how it got started, but I wish it would stop. For the past week or two, my usual routine of stay up late stalling to clean the kitchen or killing time online til almost dawn has changed. Oh, I still stay up late, but now... now in that really quiet couple of hours before dawn, I cry.

I'm not sure what triggered it. One too many sad conversations or thoughts. I know one day when I first pulled out a CD Josh made, it made me sad when I was playing it. Maybe that was the trigger for that day. But now. Before I do the dishes, after... when I'm trying to fall asleep.... At some point, the slightest sad thing will set me off. I was watching a movie last night, and a kinda sad seen set me off. It was sad enough for a tear or two, no more, under normal circumstances.

I don't know... I try not to cry in front of Mom. Maybe holding back too much for the past few months is trying to break free? I still keep silent, even though she's asleep. Even though I wish I could scream out, I keep silent.

I wish it would stop. It's made for rather depressing couple of weeks. I put up the front when talking to everyone. I don't want to sound like a broken record or bum anyone else out. Funny, considering I encourage everyone else to talk to me so they're not trapped with their thoughts or emotions alone.

On the scary side of things, a minor scare.... I fracked up my banking by paying a bill I only thought I had money for... That's gonna be fun to replace the funds before auto withdrawal payments bounce. >.< Honestly, as careful as I am with banking, I don't know HOW I let that happen.

On a serious side... It's a little scary to hear both your parents talking similarly on being afraid they won't wake up from their sleep and on some level it seems both wouldn't care if they didn't wake up. I know I'm 29 and should be self-sufficient. But whether I am or not I am not ready to lose either one of my parents. Not now. Not yet. I know they're both hurting, but it is still scary to hear however small a degree that they might not mind not waking up one morning. I mean before we heard the autopsy report, we all thought Josh had just given up and his body simply complied. Dear Lord, please help my have the strength to carry on.....

To Call or Not To Call

I was cleaning out my cell phone's Recent Call logs...and I came across the number I've been saving there for months. I set it aside with intention of calling back. But here we are, four and a half months later, and I still haven't called Charice back.

The night she called, I remember thinking I didn't feel like talking to her. We'd been out to the movies, come back and visited here at the house, and it was a good day that I just didn't want to ruin with a phone call. Yeah, calls and visits with Charice can go either way. We were best friends in junior high, but we grew so far apart in the following years. The out of the blue calls or visits are on the weird side now. Sometimes it's great to catch up, other times it's like ugh...can we say goodbye now.

I didn't recognize the number when it came in, but she left a message on voicemail. So I told myself I'd call back the next day or in a few days..... The next day, she was the last thing on my mind.

Now after four months, I don't even know if I should bother. I mean how's that conversation going to go? "Sorry I didn't call you back. But the day after you called, my brother died." Yeah, there's a fun conversation. But at the same time, I feel bad for not calling. I mean friends come and go in those school years. But no matter how far apart we grew, she'd still call now and then.

Last time I saw her, I just happened to run into her at a bus stop. What are the chances, right? She was going into rehab. I can't even remember where her son was or who he was staying with. It was like the month of or before our first move. So at least she knows I don't live in Anaheim anymore.

Guess I should call her back. She keeps in touch however sparingly for a reason. And I suppose it'll be nice to talk to the girl who saved me from loneliness 7th grade. Plus, who else can I reminisce with about playing Barbies. :P

And then what happened?

Sooo... I'm terrible at keeping people posted. For those who were worried, the silence from my mother actually broke like hour or two after that last post. And within a day or so, she was back to her normal-ish self.

I got a much needed break from the house. Nothing energizes me like Disneyland does. Chrissi kidnapped me for two whole days. Okay a day and a half. We spent the evening at Dis. It's funny. We mostly just walked. I mean we tried to get on Space Mountain, but as usual, when our forces are combined, stuff breaks down. Waited in that line only to leave it half way through it. Ah, well. We walked and talked. It was just a nice night. Packed as it was, it was still just sooo nice to walk around there. And we did get on a ride. Okay, so we had to wait til they repaired it or whatever, curse our combined forces. :P But we waited it out, cuz it was almost closing time and it was our last chance to get on a ride.

Spent the night at her place. Movies, bookstore, OC Fair.... Good food, good fun... Hehe... I expected to bring back the sour cherry balls from Dis, but I brought back a book and yummy fruit from the fair, and some earrings, and a huge empty cup. Why on earth did I drink so much lemonade? :P I got home just under midnight. All and all an awesome weekend! So, Issi, in case I didn't say it enough then, THANK YOU!

We, Mom and I, have made the freakish discovery that Pixie, my two year old kitty is actually heavier than Oreo, my big eleven year old! I mean it's true, it is getting harder to tell them apart. But side by side, Pixie still looks smaller than Oreo, especially in the head. :P One day her head will catch up to her body, I hope.... But dude, I pick her up and she feels soooooo much heavier than Oreo! He's just fluffy? Okay, okay, the theory is, she's got more muscle than Oreo. She does do alot more running around than he does. And oy, will this shedding never end! If this keeps up, pretty soon, Mom and I will be coughing up furballs. Yuck.

Soooo, I'm doing things backwards... I like meant to watch Harry Potter 1-5 before going.. But Mom wanted to watch with, and so I waited... and waiting leads to forgetting... So come this past Saturday, Issi, her mom, and I went to see Harry Potter 6. Now 1-3 I've seen like a million times, 3 is my favorite and we always watch them in order. We've seen 4 a few times, cuz we saw it at the theatre, during a successful marathon, and then once before we saw the 5th movie. But 5, well.... I taped it when we got HBO, but er, uh... Yeah, so I only had the vague memory of when we saw it at the theatre. :P I mean it was fine. I had enough of it in my head not to be totally lost. And despite what some critics I saw somewhere said, I liked the movie. :) Lots of fun lil moments and some really cool moments... And now I can't get the visual of the professor knitting out of my head! :P Anyway... Since then, Mom and I have watched a Potter movie a night.. well not EVERY night. We just watched my fave, 3, last night. So we just have 4 and 5 left, and yay, I actually have 5 on DVD now. :D Thank you, Daddy.

Hmm.. Well, I've babbled enough. And I should get my tidying up chores done, so I can finish my current book, so I can take a new book when Mom and I run errands tomorr.... er... today.... And hopefully, today's date won't be yet another montly reminder for Mom.... Hopefully...

And then there was silence....

I don't expect normalcy. Not yet. Especially not this time of month. I don't expect laughter and celebrations. Not unless there's something worth laughing about or celebrating. I don't even expect cheerful moods even 50% of the time. I won't expect it for years to come, I imagine.

But the silence... the silence is almost painful. I know she's not trying to shut me out to be mean. She's hurting and just can't deal. But on those hard days, when she doesn't answer even simple questions or seem to acknowledge speaking of any kind... It's a door slammed in my face. And maybe as a protective mechanism, my first impulse is to be mad at her. To silently curse her for ignoring me.

Not that the anger lasts. Sadness quickly fills it's place. Sad for Mom's sake. Sad for missing my brother. She can't talk about it yet. She can't even talk about him yet. I wish she could. I wish she'd stop dwelling on the why's and the whose-to-blame's. Because while I may choose to cry alone...in silence. The sadness fades away just a little bit when I talk about him with my Dad.

Tomorrow... The next day.... She'll be fine-ish again. She'll be talking to me like normal, well sorta. She'll laugh at the funny things the cats do or the jokes on TV. God, I hope the silence doesn't return every 6th of the month....

Why....

Why do some people even have kids? I'm not even talking about the truly awful people who abuse or neglect their kids. But the lazy parents. The ones who end up with half a dozen kids and don't bother disciplining their kids. Why bother, if you're not going to actually do the work of raising them?

I remember riding home on the bus one day, and this woman had one or two little kids with her. The youngest one kept pulling the cord to request a stop. And the kid would giggle as it dinged. So we stopped at almost every stop for no reason. The woman didn't do anything. Just let the kid climb over her to pull the cord each time. I've never been patient with kids. So even then, I reacted. As I was sitting across from the kid, I gave the kid a hard glare and shook my head, as the brat reached up for the cord. Well that stopped that.

That however was a tame reaction compared to today. I went with my mother to the dentist. As it was busy, I couldn't go back with her to hold her hand, so I sat in the waiting room for hours. Lemme say, listening to screaming brats for hours is soooo much fun. There was a woman with like three or four kids....brats...

I'm terrible with ages, but I'd guess the oldest was a preteen boy. One sister was a year or two younger and then a four or five year old sister. The boy would have reminded me of my brother with all his "I don't wanna be here" attitude, except he was so mean and bratty with his sisters. I mean I get being annoyed when baby sis wants to get his attention. So naturally there's some sibling meanness to get her to stop.

Finally after some musical chairs. Boy is two seats away from lil sis with, baby sis on the other side of lil sis. Well as much as possible, cuz baby sis couldn't sit still and went back and forth on either side of lil sis. Baby sis kept chattering away to lil sis who was being the nice sister and trying to entertain her and keep the peace between baby sis and big bro. And still big bro was doing that yelling whisper growl thing, telling her to shut up. Saying she was drawing too much attention.

Now I can't speak for everyone else. But the chattering was typical four/five year old behavior and while annoying was ignorable. What was not was the boy telling the baby sis who no longer was talking to him to shut up and going as far as pinching the girl.

Well I lost my patience after a couple "ow''s and the boy blaming the baby sis on everyone's stares. The mother did nothing but that silent "behave" stare and threats that mothers do in public. To which he would reply every time "I'm not doing anything." Anyway, I finally snapped. Told the boy to leave her alone already and that people were staring at him.

Yeah, I know. It was stupid. It wasn't my place. Blah blah. I already asked myself why I bothered or at the very least why I didn't try to difuse the situation a different way. Like I could have tried talking to the kid, reminding him, she was just being a normal little girl. But my head wasn't in the right place. Having lost my own sibling two months ago, it was bugging me to see siblings be overly cruel to each other. The mother finally raised her voice to me of course. ~rolls eyes~ If she'd raised her voice to the kid, maybe he'd have listened in the first place. Meh. I forgot what she said to me, something typical when outsiders try to discipline their kids. To which I told her he was picking on the little girl was all. And she like the idiot just said "so." So nice to see she only cares when it suits her. Anyway, we ignored each other the rest of the wait, and she kept better watch on her kids now that the waiting room was watching.

Ugh... Why do lazy people become parents? See, I at least admit my failings. I'd be a terrible parent. Laziness... Impatience... No way I'd screw up a kid by being their mother.

Starting Over

So, I used to do all my blogging on MySpace. But it seems that site, like most these days, just keeps getting more and more bogged down with each new update. Anyway, I lost interest in the site itself a while ago and my computer's memory makes boggy sites more of a pain than anything. So here I am... Starting over on a new blog site. Wish me luck.

For my Brudder....

Alicia's Poem
(Wolrd of Warcraft's version of Mary Frye's "Do Not Weep")

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
across Northrend's bright and shining snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
on Westfall's fields of golden grain.
I am in the morning hush,
of Stranglethorn's jungle, green and lush.
I am in the drums loud and grand,
the thunderous hooves across Nagrand.
I am the stars warmly gleaming,
over Darnassus softly dreaming.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.
___________________

And because it came on my iPod recently, and Josh gave it to me the "song"... Maybe inappropriate, but it made me laugh and think of him:

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Comment(s):

That was so Josh's humor I am really going to miss seeing him at his computer just reading comics and watching those videos I hope that he is finally at peace now.

Posted by Tony the Tazman on April 12, 2009 - Sunday - 11:47 AM

Adventures of Last Week....

I finished my year off with an actual social life! Crazy I know! May not have had any plans for New Year's Eve, but I did have a fun few days before hand. Monday, Sarah and I visited while she was in town.... Tuesday, I finally met Ashley. Two days in a row of socializing!

Sarah and I hung out at my place for a lil bit after the grand tour since it was a first visit to the new place. Then I forced her sick lil butt to walk miles and miles up a hill barefoot... oh no... It was actually less than a mile, but it was a longer trek up the hill than I thought it would be. Anywho... We made it to the park and explored. Visited the playground of my youth.... Got high in front of kids...... on the swings. Took pics... not of the children. That woulda been pervy. Found the place where shopping carts die.... The cat village... Back at home, we played cards, ate pizza, and watched a movie. All and all a fun visit.

Next day I bussed to the restaurante to meet Ashley... And MTA's site lied...to my benefit. The stop was closer than planned. Got there early, which I knew I would, and read til the phone rang. One thing I love about Ashley, practically from the first moment we met, we were able to talk and talk as if we'd always been friends. Okay I confess.... I love Ashley... but even still I'd talked myself out of our first attempt at meeting... Call it social awkwardness making me more nervous at meeting a net friend. Glad I didn't talk myself out of it this time. So we'll have to do that again when she gets back from living in the future.

New Year's Eve I uh... did nothing... Didn't even stay online long. Had planned on doing shops and guilds too... Le whoops... Just didn't feel like it. Stayed in my room watching Christmas movies all night. Slept like an hour and a half til my eyes just popped open... Like poof I was wide awake even though alarm was set for much later. It was cool... I was awake to see the Rose Parade. Then went to Nana's for some menudo.. mmmmmm....

Friday was uneventful... Saturday... That was a busy day. Went furniture shopping for Mom... She finally got her first REAL set of bedroom furniture and I got a new mattress. Nana also took us to a store where we found in expensive but GOOD blankets and sheets and rugs. Had to rush home to clean out the "storage room / Pixie's bedroom" of the boxes that had no homes and the blankets Pixie uses. Lotsa moving stuffs...

All in all, last week was a GOOD week and a GREAT way to end last year and start this one. We both slept on oh so comfy beds. I think I musta slept nine or ten hours. Didn't want to move. Takin' a teasy today... Tomorrow a different kind of adventure.... Like unpacking Mom's stuff (finally), finding homes for the books and movies, and taking down Christmas. Fun fun fun...

I am Thankful

She said, "it's just another day." And while I get why some of my family doesn't want to celebrate Thanksgiving, it is most certainly not just another day to me. I may not care what we eat for the dinner. I may not even be able to tolerate extended family for long. But I do like to observe the day.

Yes, I love holidays. But that's not why. I'm thankful. I'm thankful everyday. Even after a rant or string of complaints, I am still thankful. I wish she could see it. I feel so blessed. We have so much to be thankful for, and I hope my family and friends see that even if they have their reasons for not being cheerful.

I was born legally blind, but God blessed me with sight enough to enjoy the beauty in this world.

I have never been financially rich, but God blessed me with family and friends who love me and whom I love.

I may never live in a mansion, but God has made sure I never spent a night on the streets.

I may not be model thin or overly glamorous, but God made sure I have never gone hungry or hated myself.

I may not get to do all the adventures I want, but God blessed me with an imagination to go anywhere.

I may not have alot of material goods, but God blessed me with soo many beautiful memories.

I may complain now and then, but I know God has truly blessed my life.

So, no... Thursday is not just another day. It is the day of Thanks. I am thankful everyday, but it is this time of year I reflect on it all the more and want to give thanks to my Lord that much more.

Ever since our preparations for the move to our wonderful new place, this song has been in my head... in my heart. I tried to find a video of it, but none of them had the life in it that I hear when I play this song in my head. So hears the lyrics:

I Will Enter His Gates

I will enter His gates with thanksgivings in my heart,

I will enter His courts with praise!

I will say this is the day that the Lord has made,

I will rejoice for He has made me glad.

He has made me glad, oh, He has made me glad.

I will rejoice for He has made me glad.

Arg!

Ever notice how someone can be consistant until you plan on it? For months and months, Mom goes to bed around eight or nine at the latest, sometimes even a couple hours earlier. She'd go to bed and I could watch TV while online or be productive without worrying I'd wake her with the noise. But not this week.... Oh no...

Thursday, since I wasted away the day, I was gonna unpack the last few boxes while watching Grey's Anatomy and ER... I watch em every Thursday since Mom's usually asleep or in bed... But no... She stayed out in the living room... Can't unpack cuz the tissue paper woulda been too noisey. I mean I tried to unpack a little... But ya can only keep tissue paper so quiet... Fine... I stayed up all night unpacking those LAST boxes cuz I had a mission and it was my own fault for wasting the daytime... My fault there...

Friday... Friday night AMC was showing "scary" movies... And I wanted to watch 'em. But it was Friday and Mom stays awake longer then, but that was okay cuz they were gonna replay at a later hour. Told her they started at eight, in case she wanted to watch 'em with me. And while she went "oo" by that time of night she was all pissy with me and we didn't watch. 11:45 rolled around and she was still out there... Falling asleep of course but to frelling stubborn to go to bed. So no movies for me. She finally left after the first movie was half over... By then I was like forget it...

Month ago.. She woulda been in bed and Thursdeay I woulda watched my shows and unpacked... Friday I woulda watched my scary movies... Instead I found myself irritated with her on both nights... Silly of me, I know... But whatev....

Good news though.. Those last boxes WERE unpacked.. Well the last ones possible anyway. :)

Psalm 55:22

I recently received this in an e-mail and felt the need to share it, especially with the holidays just around the corner. I of course editted out the "pass this on to X people", but don't let that stop you from sharing with those who may need to read it or praying for those you care about. - Carisa

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Psalm 55:22

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."

This was written by a Metro Denver Hospice Physician:

I was driving home from a meeting this evening about 5, stuck in traffic on Colorado Blvd., and the car started to choke and splutter and die - I barely managed to coast, cursing, into a gas station, glad only that I would not be blocking traffic and would have a somewhat warm spot to wait for the tow truck. It wouldn't even turn over. Before I could make the call, I saw a woman walking out of the 'quickie mart ' building, and it looked like she slipped on some ice and fell into a gas pump, so I got out to see if she was okay.

When I got there, it looked more like she had been overcome by sobs than that she had fallen; she was a young woman who looked really haggard with dark circles under her eyes. She dropped something as I helped her up, and I picked it up to give it to her. It was a nickel.

At that moment, everything came into focus for me: the crying woman, the ancient Suburban crammed full of stuff with 3 kids in the back (1 in a car seat), and the gas pump reading $4.95.

I asked her if she was okay and if she needed help, and she just kept saying 'don't want my kids to see me crying,' so we stood on the other side of the pump from her car. She said she was driving to California and that things were very hard for her right now. So I asked, 'And you were praying?' That made her back away from me a little, but I assured her I was not a crazy person and said, 'He heard you, and He sent me.'

I took out my card and swiped it through the card reader on the pump so she could fill up her car completely, and while it was fuelling, walked to the next door McDonald's and bought 2 big bags of food, some gift certificates for more, and a big cup of coffee. She gave the food to the kids in the car, who attacked it like wolves, and we stood by the pump eating fries and talking a little. She told me her name, and that she lived in Kansas City . Her boyfriend left 2 months ago and she had not been able to make ends meet. She knew she wouldn't have money to pay rent Jan 1, and finally in desperation had finally called her parents, with whom she had not spoken in about 5 years. They lived in California and said she could come live with them and try to get on her feet there.

So she packed up everything she owned in the car. She told the kids they were going to California for Christmas, but not that they were going to live there. I gave her my gloves, a little hug and said a quick prayer with her for safety on the road. As I was walking over to my car, she said, 'So, are you like an angel or something?'This definitely made me cry. I said, 'Sweetie, at this time of year angels are really busy, so some times God uses regular people.' It was so incredible to be a part of someone else's miracle. And of course, you guessed it, when I got in my car it started right away and got me home with no problem. I'll put it in the shop tomorrow to check, but I suspect the mechanic won't find anything wrong. Some times the angels fly close enough to you that you can hear the flutter of their wings...

Psalms 55:22 'Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee. He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.'
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'Father, I ask You to bless my children, grandchildren, friends, relatives and email buddies reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of your love and power. Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit this very moment. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there is self doubt, release a renewed confidence through Your grace, In Jesus' precious name. Amen.'
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When Satan is knocking at your door, simply say, 'Jesus, could You please get that for me.'

Another Reason to Love Doctor Who...

Mom and were watching Doctor Who the other day and I caught something I missed the first time I'd seen that particular episode. Season 4 opens with an episode called Voyage of the Damned, where this humanoid race are on a flying ship modelled after the most famous Earth ship, the Titanic. On board is a tour guide for when the go "ashore"... He's got a degree on earthonomics. :P Anywho, the ships travelling during Christmas time, so he explains about what the holiday is to the humans.

London is in the country of U-Kay, ruled by King Wensleslas (sp?). The great god of the holiday is Santa who has claws and is married to Mary. At Christmas Great France and Great Germany go to war with Turkey, And as part of the victory they eat the people as a delicacy.... Suffice it to say, his history is a little off. :P

ANYwho... the Doctor was asked what the holiday was REALLY about... He says it's a long story... and that he should know, he "got the last room".... That's like one of the only sci-fi shows I know that makes any mention of the birth of Christ. No it wasn't preachy or spilling out the whole story, but that's not what Doctor Who is about anyway. I don't know... Just the fact that it was mentioned... I mean shoot... According to Trek universe, we were all created (aliens and humans alike) from one being or whatever nonesense they spewed on that one episode of Next Gen... I kinda ignore that episode. And BSG is all about the Greek gods....

I don't expect sci-fi shows to mention God or Christ. It seems like sci-fi is created by people of science beliefs and not faith beliefs... And I guess it makes sense... I mean in high school I wondered if there was Christian geared sci-fi books and someone looked at me like I was on crack. Like I was asking for something contradictory. Turns out there is... so there... :P Plus ONE of these days in the far far future I'm sure... I'll publish sci-fi books with that hint of my Christian faith (cuz I'm by no means an expert in my faith so I'm not about to lead anyone astray with LOTS of stuff....)

Anyway... It's 230am... I shoulda been in bed an hour ago... Still gotta season the chicken before it spoils (it's defrosted already but been too hot to turn the oven on :P )... Clean up after the kitties.... and get ready for bed...