33rd and Blah St.

Huzzah another birthday rolls on by. I'm well past the age of having little birthday parties and all the normal kid hoopla, but I did have a lil plan for the day that never happened. The whole week kinda sucked. I mean it had its little highs and it had a few lows, but mostly it was just blah.

Since my birthday fell on a Monday (a work day for my parents), I figured I'd just make the usual Daddy Daughter day festivities more fun. I even went to bed early and woke early (partly unintentionally) to start the fun earlier. But with a slight bump in the road mood-wise and errands to run, it was closer to the norm. I DID get my balloons from the Dollar Tree though. :-) Sadly, they didn't last as long as they normally do. Ah well. :-P They brought me smiles for the few days they were still high in the air. And their deflating-ness still amuses me today. :-P We watched Life of Pi. I really enjoyed the movie. We didn't leave early enough to pick up Chinese food for dinner (they close at 9 pm  and we didn't leave his place til about then :-P ). S'okay. By the end of the night I dunno that I still wanted Chinese, it was just the thought I had had at the beginning of the day. :-P

The plan for Monday.... Since I normally stay up all night and call dad at 4:15 for his wake up call and stay up long enough to see him when he comes by with breakfast for the three of us a couple hours later, I knew I'd go to bed late. Mom's usually winding down and in and out of sleep before finally giving in to sleep properly by the time I wake up (around 4-5 pm). So I figured I'd just treat myself that day with a favorite movie of mine (Avatar).

Love this one! :-D

But alas.... Plans didn't go right at all that day. For anyone.

Mom's been having pains other than the normal back pains and by Monday morning it was REALLY bad. More than that, there was panic at not knowing what it was and the imagination running wild. So before Dad could even come by for his Monday morning visit, we were calling Nana for a ride to the hospital. With the pain getting worse and probably panic levels for all of us, it was kind of a scary morning. Dad called for a replacement on his job and joined us at the hospital. While the staff was all super friendly, it took FOREVER to find out what was wrong. Nothing major, just painful. She's still gotta go to a specialist to see if it needs follow-up care. Oh and she was apparently I'm glad Dad was there, he helped with the comic relief. I'm sure if I hadn't been soooooo tired (I had been up since 7-8 am Sunday!), I might have been even more freaked/worried than I was. I mean I was reasonably sure it wasn't major major, but I didn't like seeing her hurting. She stayed in for a few hours as they pumped her full of blood. Dad took me home and fed me (by then I was STARVING and beyond tired). I think I napped at some point.

Somewhat fuzzier on the details of Tuesday morning. Dad dropped by after trying to pick up a job and not like what was available. He came by after he ate I think, with pizza and pastries from a bakery(?). Mom woke me so I wouldn't miss the visit. I ate a slice of the cheese pizza. Num! After he left I went back to bed for a couple more hours...well I tried to. When I woke and got ready it was like just another Target Tuesday. :-D I even wore one of my presents for the day....

Wednesday.... I hadn't planned to leave Mom all alone on his birthday or to not call Dad. But I didn't go to bed til super late and since Mom had the rest of the week off, I didn't see much in the morning-noon time. She was off in her room and I was sitting here. I napped. Woke to give the kids dinner. Then crashed for quite a while. Screwy sleep schedule (or lack there off) finally caught up with me. I woke at 1:30 am. Ha! So his birthday passed by with little to note on my end.

Thursday. Blah.

Friday, Mom, for my birthday, drove out to the OC to our Persian restaurant, Hatam's. Num num num. We brought it home and feasted for days! Seriously! They give you VERY generous portions (mostly rice, which is sooo delicious and addictive). And we watched one of our old favorites... Finding Nemo! :-D

Birthday greetings started the week before with a package from Sarah! I'd like to say I was gonna wait until my birthday to open the package, but I didn't have to be grown up.....cuz Mom was urging me to open it up! :-D And FB friends and family posted greetings on my wall. :-) And spookily, Issi's card arrived on the day! I meant to take pics of the gifts and the beautiful card Issi made me and balloons I got from Dollar Tree, but I didn't and I didn't want to put off this blog any longer than I already did just for a few more pics. :-P

So even though the week could have turned out rather sucktastic (not even counting the hospital run),  greetings from loved ones, fun and silliness with family here and there made the day and week pass by with some highs. Thank you!

Survived the Day

Today being the anniversary, I kinda dreaded the day. Not so much for myself. Not that I don't get sad thinking about it or get a little haunted by the memory of that night... But praise God, I've managed to...I guess get past some of the grief that still grips my parents. I don't expect them to ever be 100% okay with the loss, I mean not even I will be. But it's a date in our heads that just seems to make that loss feel all the worse.

My hurdle to survive is trying to be there for them. But I inadvertently cheated. I stayed up later than usual, busy dong kitchen and other chores, which only made me nod off in front of the comp or TV tons until I gave in and went to bed at like almost 1 p.m. and then slept til 6 p.m. ... So I was asleep more than I was awake while Mom was up. This morning when she got up (at like 2:30 in the morning! cuz she's always a super early riser and a nut :-P ), she seemed okay-ish. We talked and joked some...a little like normal. And she goes to bed early (cuz of the whole waking ridiculously early), so she was in bed an hour or two after I got up. She'd been watching tapes (of our recorded shows as she's WAY behind), which is a good sign she wasn't super depressed all day (she'd have vegged on crap reruns otherwise).

When I talked to Dad earlier tonight, he sounded okay. Well, distracted, but then he was busy making food. We didn't talk too long, so I dunno how well he fared.

I think we all kind of held our breath and braced ourselves. I hope one day, today will be just another day. I mean his birthday is one thing, but I don't want an anniversary of his death day.