Small Blessings

Even at the worst of times, I am ever grateful for the small blessings. A beautiful sunset/sunrise. A cool day. A laugh shared with family or friends. A simple but satisfying meal. A successful market shopping trip. Affection from my furry babies. Happy memories popping into my head. Anything and everything.

It's been a good few weeks in the blessings department. My little banking booboo (human error) was happily resolved. Thank you God. Words from a medium or whatever have helped Mom try to let go some of her anger and guilt and as a result, Mom was able to join Dad and I for little family dinners again. Thank you God. I survived the six month mark without being too sad because I was enjoying the day with my Dad. Thank you God. A situation with the landlords that could have turned ugly was resolved and we will be staying put. Thank you God.

I don't read His word like I should. I can't remember the last time I went to church. While I talk to God often, I don't always pray, well not the traditional way I guess. But thanks to God's goodness, He continues to bless my life each and everyday and I continue to feel His prescence. Lord, thank You for Your many blessings and for the people in my life who You use to make those blessings.

Where's the Volume Control?

You know those families on TV where everyone yells rather than walk over to each other and just talk? I think I live next to one of those families... Or maybe more than one of those families. Mom and Dad are ALWAYS yelling at each other for every little thing.... Mom yells at kid for breaking something or messing with something... Kid yells back his "I didn't do anything!"s.... And they must be part of a species of yellers, cuz all there friends talk loud too. I get sporting events where all the guys "Yeah!" for each lil victory. I get the drunken hubby/boyfriends yelling to be let in. Don't like it, but I get it. But now chickadee's girl friend came over and the two of them were having a conversation as if they were talking over a crowd rather than in a quiet neighborhood within feet of each other. But then these chuckleheads also like to have fights in the middle of the streets, with one end in the car and the other in the apartment. Where is the mute button?

Poor Baby Teenager

I watched a special about a teenager stuck in the body of a toddler. For most of her 16 years, this girl has not grown beyond that of a two year old. Mentally, she's stuck at nine months old. I can't even imagine what that family has been through. For the special, of course, everyone put on their smiles. "She's so loving." "She's a miracle baby." The father even went as far as to say that "if someone had a pill to 'fix' her" he would tell them "one, she's not broken, and two, no thanks." That she was fine as she is. Yeah, right!

While mom, dad, two older sisters, one younger sister, and grandparents may all love the girl, I can't imagine anyone not wanting to see her grow up. As it stands right now, she will forever need someone to care for her. She can't talk, can't walk, and can't even eat normally. She is as the show called her, a child frozen in time. She is blessed with what looked like a large and loving family. So there's a saving grace, seeing as how mom and dad can't live forever. No one even knows how long she will live, since her genes don't age.

Seriously.... I can't even imagine being in any one of their shoes. I mean mentally slow developed individuals get frustrated over time. And here's a permanantly nine month year old mental status? I'm not saying that all families with disabled individuals would want their family members "fixed", but this poor kid will always be completely dependant and never able to fully express herself. Sure she may never know the difference, but I can't believe her father wouldn't want more for her. I mean c'mon, even the mother goes out of her way NOT to dress the girl in baby looking clothes. She's 16 and the mother tries to dress her like a big girl.

I don't know. It's kinda sad. I mean lots of mentally slow people go on to live semi-independant lives. And physically disabled individuals overcome challenges everyday. But this girl's got the worst of both worlds, essentially. I know she'll be loved. But no one wants to be a baby all their lives. And no sane parent wants their child to be a baby forever. I dunno.. I'm babbling. I think the dad should have said yes, he would have taken the pills to help his kid. Doesn't make him a bad guy to want more for her. If he was worried he'd look like a jerk, he could have said, "she's not broken, but yeah for her sake..."

On the other hand.. God has certainly tested their patience. And from the looks of things, that family has passed. Good for them. And they've been blessed with loving and supportive daughters and extended family and even granted aid for the girl's medical needs.

Pre Dawn Tears and New Fears

It seems I have a new routine. I'm not sure how it got started, but I wish it would stop. For the past week or two, my usual routine of stay up late stalling to clean the kitchen or killing time online til almost dawn has changed. Oh, I still stay up late, but now... now in that really quiet couple of hours before dawn, I cry.

I'm not sure what triggered it. One too many sad conversations or thoughts. I know one day when I first pulled out a CD Josh made, it made me sad when I was playing it. Maybe that was the trigger for that day. But now. Before I do the dishes, after... when I'm trying to fall asleep.... At some point, the slightest sad thing will set me off. I was watching a movie last night, and a kinda sad seen set me off. It was sad enough for a tear or two, no more, under normal circumstances.

I don't know... I try not to cry in front of Mom. Maybe holding back too much for the past few months is trying to break free? I still keep silent, even though she's asleep. Even though I wish I could scream out, I keep silent.

I wish it would stop. It's made for rather depressing couple of weeks. I put up the front when talking to everyone. I don't want to sound like a broken record or bum anyone else out. Funny, considering I encourage everyone else to talk to me so they're not trapped with their thoughts or emotions alone.

On the scary side of things, a minor scare.... I fracked up my banking by paying a bill I only thought I had money for... That's gonna be fun to replace the funds before auto withdrawal payments bounce. >.< Honestly, as careful as I am with banking, I don't know HOW I let that happen.

On a serious side... It's a little scary to hear both your parents talking similarly on being afraid they won't wake up from their sleep and on some level it seems both wouldn't care if they didn't wake up. I know I'm 29 and should be self-sufficient. But whether I am or not I am not ready to lose either one of my parents. Not now. Not yet. I know they're both hurting, but it is still scary to hear however small a degree that they might not mind not waking up one morning. I mean before we heard the autopsy report, we all thought Josh had just given up and his body simply complied. Dear Lord, please help my have the strength to carry on.....

To Call or Not To Call

I was cleaning out my cell phone's Recent Call logs...and I came across the number I've been saving there for months. I set it aside with intention of calling back. But here we are, four and a half months later, and I still haven't called Charice back.

The night she called, I remember thinking I didn't feel like talking to her. We'd been out to the movies, come back and visited here at the house, and it was a good day that I just didn't want to ruin with a phone call. Yeah, calls and visits with Charice can go either way. We were best friends in junior high, but we grew so far apart in the following years. The out of the blue calls or visits are on the weird side now. Sometimes it's great to catch up, other times it's like ugh...can we say goodbye now.

I didn't recognize the number when it came in, but she left a message on voicemail. So I told myself I'd call back the next day or in a few days..... The next day, she was the last thing on my mind.

Now after four months, I don't even know if I should bother. I mean how's that conversation going to go? "Sorry I didn't call you back. But the day after you called, my brother died." Yeah, there's a fun conversation. But at the same time, I feel bad for not calling. I mean friends come and go in those school years. But no matter how far apart we grew, she'd still call now and then.

Last time I saw her, I just happened to run into her at a bus stop. What are the chances, right? She was going into rehab. I can't even remember where her son was or who he was staying with. It was like the month of or before our first move. So at least she knows I don't live in Anaheim anymore.

Guess I should call her back. She keeps in touch however sparingly for a reason. And I suppose it'll be nice to talk to the girl who saved me from loneliness 7th grade. Plus, who else can I reminisce with about playing Barbies. :P

And then what happened?

Sooo... I'm terrible at keeping people posted. For those who were worried, the silence from my mother actually broke like hour or two after that last post. And within a day or so, she was back to her normal-ish self.

I got a much needed break from the house. Nothing energizes me like Disneyland does. Chrissi kidnapped me for two whole days. Okay a day and a half. We spent the evening at Dis. It's funny. We mostly just walked. I mean we tried to get on Space Mountain, but as usual, when our forces are combined, stuff breaks down. Waited in that line only to leave it half way through it. Ah, well. We walked and talked. It was just a nice night. Packed as it was, it was still just sooo nice to walk around there. And we did get on a ride. Okay, so we had to wait til they repaired it or whatever, curse our combined forces. :P But we waited it out, cuz it was almost closing time and it was our last chance to get on a ride.

Spent the night at her place. Movies, bookstore, OC Fair.... Good food, good fun... Hehe... I expected to bring back the sour cherry balls from Dis, but I brought back a book and yummy fruit from the fair, and some earrings, and a huge empty cup. Why on earth did I drink so much lemonade? :P I got home just under midnight. All and all an awesome weekend! So, Issi, in case I didn't say it enough then, THANK YOU!

We, Mom and I, have made the freakish discovery that Pixie, my two year old kitty is actually heavier than Oreo, my big eleven year old! I mean it's true, it is getting harder to tell them apart. But side by side, Pixie still looks smaller than Oreo, especially in the head. :P One day her head will catch up to her body, I hope.... But dude, I pick her up and she feels soooooo much heavier than Oreo! He's just fluffy? Okay, okay, the theory is, she's got more muscle than Oreo. She does do alot more running around than he does. And oy, will this shedding never end! If this keeps up, pretty soon, Mom and I will be coughing up furballs. Yuck.

Soooo, I'm doing things backwards... I like meant to watch Harry Potter 1-5 before going.. But Mom wanted to watch with, and so I waited... and waiting leads to forgetting... So come this past Saturday, Issi, her mom, and I went to see Harry Potter 6. Now 1-3 I've seen like a million times, 3 is my favorite and we always watch them in order. We've seen 4 a few times, cuz we saw it at the theatre, during a successful marathon, and then once before we saw the 5th movie. But 5, well.... I taped it when we got HBO, but er, uh... Yeah, so I only had the vague memory of when we saw it at the theatre. :P I mean it was fine. I had enough of it in my head not to be totally lost. And despite what some critics I saw somewhere said, I liked the movie. :) Lots of fun lil moments and some really cool moments... And now I can't get the visual of the professor knitting out of my head! :P Anyway... Since then, Mom and I have watched a Potter movie a night.. well not EVERY night. We just watched my fave, 3, last night. So we just have 4 and 5 left, and yay, I actually have 5 on DVD now. :D Thank you, Daddy.

Hmm.. Well, I've babbled enough. And I should get my tidying up chores done, so I can finish my current book, so I can take a new book when Mom and I run errands tomorr.... er... today.... And hopefully, today's date won't be yet another montly reminder for Mom.... Hopefully...

And then there was silence....

I don't expect normalcy. Not yet. Especially not this time of month. I don't expect laughter and celebrations. Not unless there's something worth laughing about or celebrating. I don't even expect cheerful moods even 50% of the time. I won't expect it for years to come, I imagine.

But the silence... the silence is almost painful. I know she's not trying to shut me out to be mean. She's hurting and just can't deal. But on those hard days, when she doesn't answer even simple questions or seem to acknowledge speaking of any kind... It's a door slammed in my face. And maybe as a protective mechanism, my first impulse is to be mad at her. To silently curse her for ignoring me.

Not that the anger lasts. Sadness quickly fills it's place. Sad for Mom's sake. Sad for missing my brother. She can't talk about it yet. She can't even talk about him yet. I wish she could. I wish she'd stop dwelling on the why's and the whose-to-blame's. Because while I may choose to cry alone...in silence. The sadness fades away just a little bit when I talk about him with my Dad.

Tomorrow... The next day.... She'll be fine-ish again. She'll be talking to me like normal, well sorta. She'll laugh at the funny things the cats do or the jokes on TV. God, I hope the silence doesn't return every 6th of the month....

Why....

Why do some people even have kids? I'm not even talking about the truly awful people who abuse or neglect their kids. But the lazy parents. The ones who end up with half a dozen kids and don't bother disciplining their kids. Why bother, if you're not going to actually do the work of raising them?

I remember riding home on the bus one day, and this woman had one or two little kids with her. The youngest one kept pulling the cord to request a stop. And the kid would giggle as it dinged. So we stopped at almost every stop for no reason. The woman didn't do anything. Just let the kid climb over her to pull the cord each time. I've never been patient with kids. So even then, I reacted. As I was sitting across from the kid, I gave the kid a hard glare and shook my head, as the brat reached up for the cord. Well that stopped that.

That however was a tame reaction compared to today. I went with my mother to the dentist. As it was busy, I couldn't go back with her to hold her hand, so I sat in the waiting room for hours. Lemme say, listening to screaming brats for hours is soooo much fun. There was a woman with like three or four kids....brats...

I'm terrible with ages, but I'd guess the oldest was a preteen boy. One sister was a year or two younger and then a four or five year old sister. The boy would have reminded me of my brother with all his "I don't wanna be here" attitude, except he was so mean and bratty with his sisters. I mean I get being annoyed when baby sis wants to get his attention. So naturally there's some sibling meanness to get her to stop.

Finally after some musical chairs. Boy is two seats away from lil sis with, baby sis on the other side of lil sis. Well as much as possible, cuz baby sis couldn't sit still and went back and forth on either side of lil sis. Baby sis kept chattering away to lil sis who was being the nice sister and trying to entertain her and keep the peace between baby sis and big bro. And still big bro was doing that yelling whisper growl thing, telling her to shut up. Saying she was drawing too much attention.

Now I can't speak for everyone else. But the chattering was typical four/five year old behavior and while annoying was ignorable. What was not was the boy telling the baby sis who no longer was talking to him to shut up and going as far as pinching the girl.

Well I lost my patience after a couple "ow''s and the boy blaming the baby sis on everyone's stares. The mother did nothing but that silent "behave" stare and threats that mothers do in public. To which he would reply every time "I'm not doing anything." Anyway, I finally snapped. Told the boy to leave her alone already and that people were staring at him.

Yeah, I know. It was stupid. It wasn't my place. Blah blah. I already asked myself why I bothered or at the very least why I didn't try to difuse the situation a different way. Like I could have tried talking to the kid, reminding him, she was just being a normal little girl. But my head wasn't in the right place. Having lost my own sibling two months ago, it was bugging me to see siblings be overly cruel to each other. The mother finally raised her voice to me of course. ~rolls eyes~ If she'd raised her voice to the kid, maybe he'd have listened in the first place. Meh. I forgot what she said to me, something typical when outsiders try to discipline their kids. To which I told her he was picking on the little girl was all. And she like the idiot just said "so." So nice to see she only cares when it suits her. Anyway, we ignored each other the rest of the wait, and she kept better watch on her kids now that the waiting room was watching.

Ugh... Why do lazy people become parents? See, I at least admit my failings. I'd be a terrible parent. Laziness... Impatience... No way I'd screw up a kid by being their mother.

Starting Over

So, I used to do all my blogging on MySpace. But it seems that site, like most these days, just keeps getting more and more bogged down with each new update. Anyway, I lost interest in the site itself a while ago and my computer's memory makes boggy sites more of a pain than anything. So here I am... Starting over on a new blog site. Wish me luck.

For my Brudder....

Alicia's Poem
(Wolrd of Warcraft's version of Mary Frye's "Do Not Weep")

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
across Northrend's bright and shining snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
on Westfall's fields of golden grain.
I am in the morning hush,
of Stranglethorn's jungle, green and lush.
I am in the drums loud and grand,
the thunderous hooves across Nagrand.
I am the stars warmly gleaming,
over Darnassus softly dreaming.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.
___________________

And because it came on my iPod recently, and Josh gave it to me the "song"... Maybe inappropriate, but it made me laugh and think of him:

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Comment(s):

That was so Josh's humor I am really going to miss seeing him at his computer just reading comics and watching those videos I hope that he is finally at peace now.

Posted by Tony the Tazman on April 12, 2009 - Sunday - 11:47 AM

Adventures of Last Week....

I finished my year off with an actual social life! Crazy I know! May not have had any plans for New Year's Eve, but I did have a fun few days before hand. Monday, Sarah and I visited while she was in town.... Tuesday, I finally met Ashley. Two days in a row of socializing!

Sarah and I hung out at my place for a lil bit after the grand tour since it was a first visit to the new place. Then I forced her sick lil butt to walk miles and miles up a hill barefoot... oh no... It was actually less than a mile, but it was a longer trek up the hill than I thought it would be. Anywho... We made it to the park and explored. Visited the playground of my youth.... Got high in front of kids...... on the swings. Took pics... not of the children. That woulda been pervy. Found the place where shopping carts die.... The cat village... Back at home, we played cards, ate pizza, and watched a movie. All and all a fun visit.

Next day I bussed to the restaurante to meet Ashley... And MTA's site lied...to my benefit. The stop was closer than planned. Got there early, which I knew I would, and read til the phone rang. One thing I love about Ashley, practically from the first moment we met, we were able to talk and talk as if we'd always been friends. Okay I confess.... I love Ashley... but even still I'd talked myself out of our first attempt at meeting... Call it social awkwardness making me more nervous at meeting a net friend. Glad I didn't talk myself out of it this time. So we'll have to do that again when she gets back from living in the future.

New Year's Eve I uh... did nothing... Didn't even stay online long. Had planned on doing shops and guilds too... Le whoops... Just didn't feel like it. Stayed in my room watching Christmas movies all night. Slept like an hour and a half til my eyes just popped open... Like poof I was wide awake even though alarm was set for much later. It was cool... I was awake to see the Rose Parade. Then went to Nana's for some menudo.. mmmmmm....

Friday was uneventful... Saturday... That was a busy day. Went furniture shopping for Mom... She finally got her first REAL set of bedroom furniture and I got a new mattress. Nana also took us to a store where we found in expensive but GOOD blankets and sheets and rugs. Had to rush home to clean out the "storage room / Pixie's bedroom" of the boxes that had no homes and the blankets Pixie uses. Lotsa moving stuffs...

All in all, last week was a GOOD week and a GREAT way to end last year and start this one. We both slept on oh so comfy beds. I think I musta slept nine or ten hours. Didn't want to move. Takin' a teasy today... Tomorrow a different kind of adventure.... Like unpacking Mom's stuff (finally), finding homes for the books and movies, and taking down Christmas. Fun fun fun...

I am Thankful

She said, "it's just another day." And while I get why some of my family doesn't want to celebrate Thanksgiving, it is most certainly not just another day to me. I may not care what we eat for the dinner. I may not even be able to tolerate extended family for long. But I do like to observe the day.

Yes, I love holidays. But that's not why. I'm thankful. I'm thankful everyday. Even after a rant or string of complaints, I am still thankful. I wish she could see it. I feel so blessed. We have so much to be thankful for, and I hope my family and friends see that even if they have their reasons for not being cheerful.

I was born legally blind, but God blessed me with sight enough to enjoy the beauty in this world.

I have never been financially rich, but God blessed me with family and friends who love me and whom I love.

I may never live in a mansion, but God has made sure I never spent a night on the streets.

I may not be model thin or overly glamorous, but God made sure I have never gone hungry or hated myself.

I may not get to do all the adventures I want, but God blessed me with an imagination to go anywhere.

I may not have alot of material goods, but God blessed me with soo many beautiful memories.

I may complain now and then, but I know God has truly blessed my life.

So, no... Thursday is not just another day. It is the day of Thanks. I am thankful everyday, but it is this time of year I reflect on it all the more and want to give thanks to my Lord that much more.

Ever since our preparations for the move to our wonderful new place, this song has been in my head... in my heart. I tried to find a video of it, but none of them had the life in it that I hear when I play this song in my head. So hears the lyrics:

I Will Enter His Gates

I will enter His gates with thanksgivings in my heart,

I will enter His courts with praise!

I will say this is the day that the Lord has made,

I will rejoice for He has made me glad.

He has made me glad, oh, He has made me glad.

I will rejoice for He has made me glad.

Arg!

Ever notice how someone can be consistant until you plan on it? For months and months, Mom goes to bed around eight or nine at the latest, sometimes even a couple hours earlier. She'd go to bed and I could watch TV while online or be productive without worrying I'd wake her with the noise. But not this week.... Oh no...

Thursday, since I wasted away the day, I was gonna unpack the last few boxes while watching Grey's Anatomy and ER... I watch em every Thursday since Mom's usually asleep or in bed... But no... She stayed out in the living room... Can't unpack cuz the tissue paper woulda been too noisey. I mean I tried to unpack a little... But ya can only keep tissue paper so quiet... Fine... I stayed up all night unpacking those LAST boxes cuz I had a mission and it was my own fault for wasting the daytime... My fault there...

Friday... Friday night AMC was showing "scary" movies... And I wanted to watch 'em. But it was Friday and Mom stays awake longer then, but that was okay cuz they were gonna replay at a later hour. Told her they started at eight, in case she wanted to watch 'em with me. And while she went "oo" by that time of night she was all pissy with me and we didn't watch. 11:45 rolled around and she was still out there... Falling asleep of course but to frelling stubborn to go to bed. So no movies for me. She finally left after the first movie was half over... By then I was like forget it...

Month ago.. She woulda been in bed and Thursdeay I woulda watched my shows and unpacked... Friday I woulda watched my scary movies... Instead I found myself irritated with her on both nights... Silly of me, I know... But whatev....

Good news though.. Those last boxes WERE unpacked.. Well the last ones possible anyway. :)

Psalm 55:22

I recently received this in an e-mail and felt the need to share it, especially with the holidays just around the corner. I of course editted out the "pass this on to X people", but don't let that stop you from sharing with those who may need to read it or praying for those you care about. - Carisa

_________________________________________

Psalm 55:22

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."

This was written by a Metro Denver Hospice Physician:

I was driving home from a meeting this evening about 5, stuck in traffic on Colorado Blvd., and the car started to choke and splutter and die - I barely managed to coast, cursing, into a gas station, glad only that I would not be blocking traffic and would have a somewhat warm spot to wait for the tow truck. It wouldn't even turn over. Before I could make the call, I saw a woman walking out of the 'quickie mart ' building, and it looked like she slipped on some ice and fell into a gas pump, so I got out to see if she was okay.

When I got there, it looked more like she had been overcome by sobs than that she had fallen; she was a young woman who looked really haggard with dark circles under her eyes. She dropped something as I helped her up, and I picked it up to give it to her. It was a nickel.

At that moment, everything came into focus for me: the crying woman, the ancient Suburban crammed full of stuff with 3 kids in the back (1 in a car seat), and the gas pump reading $4.95.

I asked her if she was okay and if she needed help, and she just kept saying 'don't want my kids to see me crying,' so we stood on the other side of the pump from her car. She said she was driving to California and that things were very hard for her right now. So I asked, 'And you were praying?' That made her back away from me a little, but I assured her I was not a crazy person and said, 'He heard you, and He sent me.'

I took out my card and swiped it through the card reader on the pump so she could fill up her car completely, and while it was fuelling, walked to the next door McDonald's and bought 2 big bags of food, some gift certificates for more, and a big cup of coffee. She gave the food to the kids in the car, who attacked it like wolves, and we stood by the pump eating fries and talking a little. She told me her name, and that she lived in Kansas City . Her boyfriend left 2 months ago and she had not been able to make ends meet. She knew she wouldn't have money to pay rent Jan 1, and finally in desperation had finally called her parents, with whom she had not spoken in about 5 years. They lived in California and said she could come live with them and try to get on her feet there.

So she packed up everything she owned in the car. She told the kids they were going to California for Christmas, but not that they were going to live there. I gave her my gloves, a little hug and said a quick prayer with her for safety on the road. As I was walking over to my car, she said, 'So, are you like an angel or something?'This definitely made me cry. I said, 'Sweetie, at this time of year angels are really busy, so some times God uses regular people.' It was so incredible to be a part of someone else's miracle. And of course, you guessed it, when I got in my car it started right away and got me home with no problem. I'll put it in the shop tomorrow to check, but I suspect the mechanic won't find anything wrong. Some times the angels fly close enough to you that you can hear the flutter of their wings...

Psalms 55:22 'Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee. He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.'
______________________________

'Father, I ask You to bless my children, grandchildren, friends, relatives and email buddies reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of your love and power. Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit this very moment. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there is self doubt, release a renewed confidence through Your grace, In Jesus' precious name. Amen.'
______________________________

When Satan is knocking at your door, simply say, 'Jesus, could You please get that for me.'

Another Reason to Love Doctor Who...

Mom and were watching Doctor Who the other day and I caught something I missed the first time I'd seen that particular episode. Season 4 opens with an episode called Voyage of the Damned, where this humanoid race are on a flying ship modelled after the most famous Earth ship, the Titanic. On board is a tour guide for when the go "ashore"... He's got a degree on earthonomics. :P Anywho, the ships travelling during Christmas time, so he explains about what the holiday is to the humans.

London is in the country of U-Kay, ruled by King Wensleslas (sp?). The great god of the holiday is Santa who has claws and is married to Mary. At Christmas Great France and Great Germany go to war with Turkey, And as part of the victory they eat the people as a delicacy.... Suffice it to say, his history is a little off. :P

ANYwho... the Doctor was asked what the holiday was REALLY about... He says it's a long story... and that he should know, he "got the last room".... That's like one of the only sci-fi shows I know that makes any mention of the birth of Christ. No it wasn't preachy or spilling out the whole story, but that's not what Doctor Who is about anyway. I don't know... Just the fact that it was mentioned... I mean shoot... According to Trek universe, we were all created (aliens and humans alike) from one being or whatever nonesense they spewed on that one episode of Next Gen... I kinda ignore that episode. And BSG is all about the Greek gods....

I don't expect sci-fi shows to mention God or Christ. It seems like sci-fi is created by people of science beliefs and not faith beliefs... And I guess it makes sense... I mean in high school I wondered if there was Christian geared sci-fi books and someone looked at me like I was on crack. Like I was asking for something contradictory. Turns out there is... so there... :P Plus ONE of these days in the far far future I'm sure... I'll publish sci-fi books with that hint of my Christian faith (cuz I'm by no means an expert in my faith so I'm not about to lead anyone astray with LOTS of stuff....)

Anyway... It's 230am... I shoulda been in bed an hour ago... Still gotta season the chicken before it spoils (it's defrosted already but been too hot to turn the oven on :P )... Clean up after the kitties.... and get ready for bed...

v--v

Okay... I think it as a sign that I am a little vampire obsessive when I start dreaming about them.... Right?

Both my mother and I are both reading vampire books (me, Betsy, Queen of the Dead series, and her, Black Dagger Brotherhood which I will be reading next)... We're waiting the Twilight to come out in theatres... No, we have not read the books... Heck, I had to keep reminding her it WAS off a book series.... Now she wants to buy them now that SHE discovered there were SEVERAL books to the series... :P I'm like... Finish the books ya got! But I know I'll be dying to read more vampy books too...

Too bad I don't have anymore vampy TV... I heard Moonlight and Blood Ties was cancelled... Blood+ ended... True Blood is of course a premium channel only thing.... Bastards.... Heck I'd settle for reruns of what was that show... Dark Knight? Anywho.. old show... I'd watch my few vampire movies... but how many time can ya watch Interview with a Vampre or the Underworld movies? Plus they lack the feel I get from my books anyway....

Then there's the RPing... I stick to that little grid game mainly for the RPing... :P

Anywho... I musta fallen asleep to a Twilight trailer on TV or something.. cuz my dreams last night were ALL about vampires. Like lotsa mini episodes of a vampy show created in my dreamland. It was awesome.... if freaky. :P Had a very real quality to it... you know, not counting the fact that it was about vampires. Wish I'd written it down while it was fresh in my head.. Ah well.. Maybe tonight. :P

v--v Lotsa love bites for you all! v--v

Updates... Take Two....

Okay soo.... Wednesday the last of our utilities were turned on. Water & Power had been turned .. we moved in cuz landlords were doing some work in here. Telephone and Cable (yes we count it as a utility :P ) was turned on the day after we moved in..... Gas... Oh boy.. No we had to wait near a week for that one. Did you know end of October is a BIG moving period for alot of folks? I didn't. Yep, those appointments filled up fast for the Gas Co. So we had a long wait. No cooking.... No heater... No hot water!

Cold showers suck when it's freezing... Yucky as it sounds, I didn't wash my hair everyday. And the day the lady from the gas co. came, I waited as long as possible hoping they'd come before I HAD to shower. And I was almost in ... okay I WAS in tears when she said she couldn't light the pilot on the water heater cuz the vent tube whatever wasn't connected right. Luckily the land lord came right over and fixed it before she left. So yay for heat and hot water. We cooked that very night... Okay heated up a frozen lasagna dinner in the oven. :P And omg! Hot showers here with the super shower head (which we only had on trickle to reduce the cold water on us before) is absolutely heavenly! I mean it practically massages you!

Okay I'll stop babbling about that, cuz that's not why I started this anyway... Week one of unpacking fun.... Kitchen is all functional finally. :) Laundry room/kitty's room is all set. Linens are all put away... That leaves just the bathroom to figure out to be a fully functional home. With a counter-less sink area and a different storage system than we're used to, I'm just not sure what I want in the bathroom and what I want in the surplus supplies closet. Things would be much easier if Mom didn't have tons of make up and hair crap. :P But then I can't fault her for being your average female. :P So I figure I'll do that tomorrow or Monday.... Probably Monday..

That leaves the decorating stuff left... The purdies that belong in the hutch.. the little table decorations I had... pulling out the knickknacks and finding new homes for them both in the living room and my room... Then trying to figure out where to put ALL our books and movies and oh boy do we have a lot of both!

The personal crap like miscelleneous crap that goes in nightstands and various drawers or various files and paperwork will find their homes in time... I'm not touching her mountain of files and records... :P But I figure the bulk of the unpacking will be over by Friday.

Then the joyous job of calling everyone (bill ppl mostly) and telling them we moved... Blah blah... Speaking of calling people.. My cell phone is like on it's death bed. That is to say it can't charge anymore. I can hear lil bits rattling inside the charger port. Fun stuff... Luckily we still have insurance on that line. So once I get over the hope of a brand new phone I'll probably just call and have them send me a new one of the model I have now. Currently Mom and I both have to charge our batteries using an old cell phone that doesn't work except for charging. But taking the batt out alot and charging that way is slowly killing Mom's batt... So I imagine mine will die too... Ah well...

Soo... Thursday we had a fun mishap...... Emphasis on sarcasm there..... I was doing laundry and I guess the sink got full of towl fuzz or something. I dunno.. I'm used to big laundry rooms where the water doesn't drain out into a sink! Anywho... the fuzz got clogged in the drain... and yay the sink overflowed..... Water all over the floor... and filled the litter box! Well there's a waste of half a box of litter.... And we had no more... so had to run out and buy some... And yay for me.. had to clean out a muddy litter box and muddy floor cuz our retarded cats like to kick litter out of their box... Thoroughly disgusting night. Got bitched at for something not my fault.. but life's too short so I'm not gonna elaborate and get mad all over again...

The only bad thing about living here... :P .... is no dishwasher! :P Okay, just kidding.. I don't mind TOO much unless I wait too long to do them. But dude... we totally need a dish rack or something... cuz right now I'm using ice cube trays to put stuff on just so they can dry! None of our kitchen towels are all that absorbant or I'd dry them and just put them away. Yet another thing to get for our New Home shopping list. :)

Exhausting unpacking... Disgusting litter mess... Cold showers... And weird climbing into bed (cuz my side's against the wall til Mom gets her own set of furniture)... All that said.. I'm still glad we moved. :) I love it here. :) And so do my furry babies!

Updates.....

Where to start.... Well sad news... Tweedledum got hit by a car sometime month before last... Poor lil Dumdum... That was sad for a little while until Tweezers started coming around more.. As if Dum had been keeping Tweezy away...

End of September I got a computer virus. FUN stuff man... No really.... >.< Yeah... Took me ages to save my crap to discs and emails. Then dropped off my poor baby at my Dad's place so my bro could fix it... Wiped it clean... Reformatted... Put on new Norton crap... Lemme tell ya, the week comp was gone, I used mobile web-ness ALOT. Then you know.. You get the comp back and have to put your own crap back on it... Catch up on a week's worth of emails and month's worth of forum posts and stuff from my various net activities. Still playing catch up on those by the way...

Like a week or so after getting the comp back, so began the packing adventure. Yep... Packing for... MOVING! Let me tell ya, I was not as organized this move. I dunno what went wrong or where I dropped the ball.. But much of the packing took place the last week and some still on moving days. It was crazy! And then setting up utilities I guess was later than usual (I can't remember when I started them last two moves). As a result, we are sans gas (stove and hot water) for a few more days...and we've been here since Thurday night already!

Had to hire movers. Note to self: make more male friends.... It was steeper than planned.. but without them I dunno how we woulda done it all without being exhausted ten times worse than we were and with broken backs... Though, we took a couple casualties... Two TV carts broke. Mom's is functional.. Mine was shot. Thank GOD I packed my VCR and DVD player and didn't leave them in the cart... But they seran wrapped everything... made comps and desks they sat on all one movable unit.. no unhooking things or packing needed.. it was great for "unpacking" when we got there.

Ditched the massive fridge we've had for years. To tall and too wide to fit in most places.. Mom was too tired to care. So we left it outside and gave it away. We're using the land lady's fridge for now. We really don't need the huge one anymore anyway...

Moving days, the strays kept coming around for food... but like early on the food got packed up and lost in the shuffle. So all they got was dry food. Tweezy and Tigger figured out they could get food from neighbor on the end. She has a cat and a dog already but she practically adopted Bandit (formerly known as Tweedledee). And she feeds the strays too. So I'm not worried... Did feel bad about Jacob though. Maybe I'll write a letter to the asshat who only sorta owns him now. I know his address after all... That or give SoCal's Humaine Society a jingle.

Thursday we moved most of the stuff... Mom made a few trips solo on Friday while I waited around for cable guy to arrive and finish up... >.< I mean I unloaded for her but still she hefted up ALOT on her own...After we unloaded her second trip's worth, we took off for one last load. Odds and ends that fit really ackwardly. But they DID fit. I cleaned up (vacuum only cuz mopping fluid got packed :P ) and then we took our last hot showers... We like just left the keys in the apartment and left :P

Oh! and we found this four wheel flat bed cart thingie the movers were looking for in the bushes. :P We kept it... Cost of damages. :P

Anywho... We're moved in... Happy... Tired, but happy... Unpacking adventure begins tomorrow while Mom's working. :)

Babbling

Okay... So life here is going to be different.... Mom's going to be working from home now. I'm happy for her. Less driving and no stress from ucky supervisor.... But I kinda like having the place to myself sometimes. Not that I don't love my Mom and love spending time with her... But you know, I just like a few hours all to myself....

I think I'm going to start seriously working towards a goal though. Get job.... Work on fixing my credit mess..... Save money..... Move out.... I'll be 29 this April, so maybe by the time I'm 30?

Never thought about living on my own until this past year. Never felt motivated... never had a pressing need.... I get along with Mom and we like spending time together... But it'll be nice to live on my own... To set up everything the way -I- want it. To clean up after only me (and cats).

Started making mental plans. Like thinking about saving money for furniture that I'd need and dishes and things. I have bedroom furniture, so there's something I won't have to buy...

I just need to get unstuck.... I've been living in this comfort zone since we left Anaheim. In Long Beach I was too scared to leave. I mean we lived not far from Prostitute Lane and just houses down, kids got shot at.... Part of me had this, it's only temporary mentality. We'll move and I can start my real life.... But all that ended up happening was me getting more and more stuck into this bum life. Oh I help with rent a little and I cook and clean... But I could and need to do more.... So we moved to safer Norwalk.... But I'm stuck... I'm tired of being stuck... I don't even know why I can't get out of this. I -should- be motivated to do stuff. Maybe with this new "move out" goal. I actually miss work... Even at my old crappy bookstore job. I almost don't even care what I do. With Mom home 24/7, I think I'll finally be motivated to get up and do stuff. Here's praying anyway....

Life Stuff... Moving

So... It took like months and MONTHS to find a pet friendly apartment. What's so wrong with having cats these days? Anywho... We took it. And while this apartment is very nice and far more spacious than the last one, it is rather pricey for a one bedroom. So without much help from me, Mom wanted to move. Well she always wanted to live closer to Nana anyway...

Okay fine... we renewed last year's lease only becasued we didn't have a place to move to yet. So we opted for an 11 month renewal instead of a full year. Month to month is like 300 bucks more..... INSANE..... But the ding bat in the office typed it up wrong and when Mom signed the official lease renewal she didn't notice because she trusted and was likely tired.... Bleh.... So we're here til end of October like I had originally wanted, only now I don't want it. :P

ANYWHO.... New place... Will be in San Pedro but not like down the street from Nana's... Yay for buffer zone.... One of her "connections" so the land lords are totally nice. It's a house type unit connected to one other unit by a sliver of roof over a walkway between the two units. Nice hard wood floors in rooms and pretty tile work in the bathroom, kitchen, and laundry room! Washer and dryer included... Pretty front door and screen door for the babies... TWO bedrooms... Smallish rooms....one of the rooms is even smaller than the Long Beach apartment had, but TWO ROOMS!!!!! And of course there's a yard with real grass! Parking on the property so mom doesn't have to park on street.... Storage shed I'm hoping they don't tear down.... No dishwasher but ceiling fans in all the rooms... It's a charming little place.

I went from dreading the move to Nana's or any crappy apartment in San Pedro to DYING to move into the place. I took foot measurements of what will likely be my room to see if I could arrange my furniture on a mini map. Mom doesn't really have any but she doesn't care. We're both very excited. We're hoping once the usual clean-up and painting is done that we can move in slowly. But I don't care if we have to do it all in one weekend again. So weeeee for a new happy home.

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Comment(s):

Pictures! I want pictures!

Posted by Melissa Tian on August 20, 2008 - Wednesday - 7:04 PM


Well I didn't think to take any of it while we were looking it over... But when it's all repainted and clean I'll be sure to take pics then. :D

Posted by Relaya on August 20, 2008 - Wednesday - 7:18 PM


wow! what awesome news, fwend!*hugs*

Posted by sarah on August 20, 2008 - Wednesday - 9:36 PM