And then there was silence....

I don't expect normalcy. Not yet. Especially not this time of month. I don't expect laughter and celebrations. Not unless there's something worth laughing about or celebrating. I don't even expect cheerful moods even 50% of the time. I won't expect it for years to come, I imagine.

But the silence... the silence is almost painful. I know she's not trying to shut me out to be mean. She's hurting and just can't deal. But on those hard days, when she doesn't answer even simple questions or seem to acknowledge speaking of any kind... It's a door slammed in my face. And maybe as a protective mechanism, my first impulse is to be mad at her. To silently curse her for ignoring me.

Not that the anger lasts. Sadness quickly fills it's place. Sad for Mom's sake. Sad for missing my brother. She can't talk about it yet. She can't even talk about him yet. I wish she could. I wish she'd stop dwelling on the why's and the whose-to-blame's. Because while I may choose to cry alone...in silence. The sadness fades away just a little bit when I talk about him with my Dad.

Tomorrow... The next day.... She'll be fine-ish again. She'll be talking to me like normal, well sorta. She'll laugh at the funny things the cats do or the jokes on TV. God, I hope the silence doesn't return every 6th of the month....

Why....

Why do some people even have kids? I'm not even talking about the truly awful people who abuse or neglect their kids. But the lazy parents. The ones who end up with half a dozen kids and don't bother disciplining their kids. Why bother, if you're not going to actually do the work of raising them?

I remember riding home on the bus one day, and this woman had one or two little kids with her. The youngest one kept pulling the cord to request a stop. And the kid would giggle as it dinged. So we stopped at almost every stop for no reason. The woman didn't do anything. Just let the kid climb over her to pull the cord each time. I've never been patient with kids. So even then, I reacted. As I was sitting across from the kid, I gave the kid a hard glare and shook my head, as the brat reached up for the cord. Well that stopped that.

That however was a tame reaction compared to today. I went with my mother to the dentist. As it was busy, I couldn't go back with her to hold her hand, so I sat in the waiting room for hours. Lemme say, listening to screaming brats for hours is soooo much fun. There was a woman with like three or four kids....brats...

I'm terrible with ages, but I'd guess the oldest was a preteen boy. One sister was a year or two younger and then a four or five year old sister. The boy would have reminded me of my brother with all his "I don't wanna be here" attitude, except he was so mean and bratty with his sisters. I mean I get being annoyed when baby sis wants to get his attention. So naturally there's some sibling meanness to get her to stop.

Finally after some musical chairs. Boy is two seats away from lil sis with, baby sis on the other side of lil sis. Well as much as possible, cuz baby sis couldn't sit still and went back and forth on either side of lil sis. Baby sis kept chattering away to lil sis who was being the nice sister and trying to entertain her and keep the peace between baby sis and big bro. And still big bro was doing that yelling whisper growl thing, telling her to shut up. Saying she was drawing too much attention.

Now I can't speak for everyone else. But the chattering was typical four/five year old behavior and while annoying was ignorable. What was not was the boy telling the baby sis who no longer was talking to him to shut up and going as far as pinching the girl.

Well I lost my patience after a couple "ow''s and the boy blaming the baby sis on everyone's stares. The mother did nothing but that silent "behave" stare and threats that mothers do in public. To which he would reply every time "I'm not doing anything." Anyway, I finally snapped. Told the boy to leave her alone already and that people were staring at him.

Yeah, I know. It was stupid. It wasn't my place. Blah blah. I already asked myself why I bothered or at the very least why I didn't try to difuse the situation a different way. Like I could have tried talking to the kid, reminding him, she was just being a normal little girl. But my head wasn't in the right place. Having lost my own sibling two months ago, it was bugging me to see siblings be overly cruel to each other. The mother finally raised her voice to me of course. ~rolls eyes~ If she'd raised her voice to the kid, maybe he'd have listened in the first place. Meh. I forgot what she said to me, something typical when outsiders try to discipline their kids. To which I told her he was picking on the little girl was all. And she like the idiot just said "so." So nice to see she only cares when it suits her. Anyway, we ignored each other the rest of the wait, and she kept better watch on her kids now that the waiting room was watching.

Ugh... Why do lazy people become parents? See, I at least admit my failings. I'd be a terrible parent. Laziness... Impatience... No way I'd screw up a kid by being their mother.

Starting Over

So, I used to do all my blogging on MySpace. But it seems that site, like most these days, just keeps getting more and more bogged down with each new update. Anyway, I lost interest in the site itself a while ago and my computer's memory makes boggy sites more of a pain than anything. So here I am... Starting over on a new blog site. Wish me luck.

For my Brudder....

Alicia's Poem
(Wolrd of Warcraft's version of Mary Frye's "Do Not Weep")

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
across Northrend's bright and shining snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
on Westfall's fields of golden grain.
I am in the morning hush,
of Stranglethorn's jungle, green and lush.
I am in the drums loud and grand,
the thunderous hooves across Nagrand.
I am the stars warmly gleaming,
over Darnassus softly dreaming.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.
___________________

And because it came on my iPod recently, and Josh gave it to me the "song"... Maybe inappropriate, but it made me laugh and think of him:

==============================

Comment(s):

That was so Josh's humor I am really going to miss seeing him at his computer just reading comics and watching those videos I hope that he is finally at peace now.

Posted by Tony the Tazman on April 12, 2009 - Sunday - 11:47 AM

Adventures of Last Week....

I finished my year off with an actual social life! Crazy I know! May not have had any plans for New Year's Eve, but I did have a fun few days before hand. Monday, Sarah and I visited while she was in town.... Tuesday, I finally met Ashley. Two days in a row of socializing!

Sarah and I hung out at my place for a lil bit after the grand tour since it was a first visit to the new place. Then I forced her sick lil butt to walk miles and miles up a hill barefoot... oh no... It was actually less than a mile, but it was a longer trek up the hill than I thought it would be. Anywho... We made it to the park and explored. Visited the playground of my youth.... Got high in front of kids...... on the swings. Took pics... not of the children. That woulda been pervy. Found the place where shopping carts die.... The cat village... Back at home, we played cards, ate pizza, and watched a movie. All and all a fun visit.

Next day I bussed to the restaurante to meet Ashley... And MTA's site lied...to my benefit. The stop was closer than planned. Got there early, which I knew I would, and read til the phone rang. One thing I love about Ashley, practically from the first moment we met, we were able to talk and talk as if we'd always been friends. Okay I confess.... I love Ashley... but even still I'd talked myself out of our first attempt at meeting... Call it social awkwardness making me more nervous at meeting a net friend. Glad I didn't talk myself out of it this time. So we'll have to do that again when she gets back from living in the future.

New Year's Eve I uh... did nothing... Didn't even stay online long. Had planned on doing shops and guilds too... Le whoops... Just didn't feel like it. Stayed in my room watching Christmas movies all night. Slept like an hour and a half til my eyes just popped open... Like poof I was wide awake even though alarm was set for much later. It was cool... I was awake to see the Rose Parade. Then went to Nana's for some menudo.. mmmmmm....

Friday was uneventful... Saturday... That was a busy day. Went furniture shopping for Mom... She finally got her first REAL set of bedroom furniture and I got a new mattress. Nana also took us to a store where we found in expensive but GOOD blankets and sheets and rugs. Had to rush home to clean out the "storage room / Pixie's bedroom" of the boxes that had no homes and the blankets Pixie uses. Lotsa moving stuffs...

All in all, last week was a GOOD week and a GREAT way to end last year and start this one. We both slept on oh so comfy beds. I think I musta slept nine or ten hours. Didn't want to move. Takin' a teasy today... Tomorrow a different kind of adventure.... Like unpacking Mom's stuff (finally), finding homes for the books and movies, and taking down Christmas. Fun fun fun...

I am Thankful

She said, "it's just another day." And while I get why some of my family doesn't want to celebrate Thanksgiving, it is most certainly not just another day to me. I may not care what we eat for the dinner. I may not even be able to tolerate extended family for long. But I do like to observe the day.

Yes, I love holidays. But that's not why. I'm thankful. I'm thankful everyday. Even after a rant or string of complaints, I am still thankful. I wish she could see it. I feel so blessed. We have so much to be thankful for, and I hope my family and friends see that even if they have their reasons for not being cheerful.

I was born legally blind, but God blessed me with sight enough to enjoy the beauty in this world.

I have never been financially rich, but God blessed me with family and friends who love me and whom I love.

I may never live in a mansion, but God has made sure I never spent a night on the streets.

I may not be model thin or overly glamorous, but God made sure I have never gone hungry or hated myself.

I may not get to do all the adventures I want, but God blessed me with an imagination to go anywhere.

I may not have alot of material goods, but God blessed me with soo many beautiful memories.

I may complain now and then, but I know God has truly blessed my life.

So, no... Thursday is not just another day. It is the day of Thanks. I am thankful everyday, but it is this time of year I reflect on it all the more and want to give thanks to my Lord that much more.

Ever since our preparations for the move to our wonderful new place, this song has been in my head... in my heart. I tried to find a video of it, but none of them had the life in it that I hear when I play this song in my head. So hears the lyrics:

I Will Enter His Gates

I will enter His gates with thanksgivings in my heart,

I will enter His courts with praise!

I will say this is the day that the Lord has made,

I will rejoice for He has made me glad.

He has made me glad, oh, He has made me glad.

I will rejoice for He has made me glad.

Arg!

Ever notice how someone can be consistant until you plan on it? For months and months, Mom goes to bed around eight or nine at the latest, sometimes even a couple hours earlier. She'd go to bed and I could watch TV while online or be productive without worrying I'd wake her with the noise. But not this week.... Oh no...

Thursday, since I wasted away the day, I was gonna unpack the last few boxes while watching Grey's Anatomy and ER... I watch em every Thursday since Mom's usually asleep or in bed... But no... She stayed out in the living room... Can't unpack cuz the tissue paper woulda been too noisey. I mean I tried to unpack a little... But ya can only keep tissue paper so quiet... Fine... I stayed up all night unpacking those LAST boxes cuz I had a mission and it was my own fault for wasting the daytime... My fault there...

Friday... Friday night AMC was showing "scary" movies... And I wanted to watch 'em. But it was Friday and Mom stays awake longer then, but that was okay cuz they were gonna replay at a later hour. Told her they started at eight, in case she wanted to watch 'em with me. And while she went "oo" by that time of night she was all pissy with me and we didn't watch. 11:45 rolled around and she was still out there... Falling asleep of course but to frelling stubborn to go to bed. So no movies for me. She finally left after the first movie was half over... By then I was like forget it...

Month ago.. She woulda been in bed and Thursdeay I woulda watched my shows and unpacked... Friday I woulda watched my scary movies... Instead I found myself irritated with her on both nights... Silly of me, I know... But whatev....

Good news though.. Those last boxes WERE unpacked.. Well the last ones possible anyway. :)

Psalm 55:22

I recently received this in an e-mail and felt the need to share it, especially with the holidays just around the corner. I of course editted out the "pass this on to X people", but don't let that stop you from sharing with those who may need to read it or praying for those you care about. - Carisa

_________________________________________

Psalm 55:22

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."

This was written by a Metro Denver Hospice Physician:

I was driving home from a meeting this evening about 5, stuck in traffic on Colorado Blvd., and the car started to choke and splutter and die - I barely managed to coast, cursing, into a gas station, glad only that I would not be blocking traffic and would have a somewhat warm spot to wait for the tow truck. It wouldn't even turn over. Before I could make the call, I saw a woman walking out of the 'quickie mart ' building, and it looked like she slipped on some ice and fell into a gas pump, so I got out to see if she was okay.

When I got there, it looked more like she had been overcome by sobs than that she had fallen; she was a young woman who looked really haggard with dark circles under her eyes. She dropped something as I helped her up, and I picked it up to give it to her. It was a nickel.

At that moment, everything came into focus for me: the crying woman, the ancient Suburban crammed full of stuff with 3 kids in the back (1 in a car seat), and the gas pump reading $4.95.

I asked her if she was okay and if she needed help, and she just kept saying 'don't want my kids to see me crying,' so we stood on the other side of the pump from her car. She said she was driving to California and that things were very hard for her right now. So I asked, 'And you were praying?' That made her back away from me a little, but I assured her I was not a crazy person and said, 'He heard you, and He sent me.'

I took out my card and swiped it through the card reader on the pump so she could fill up her car completely, and while it was fuelling, walked to the next door McDonald's and bought 2 big bags of food, some gift certificates for more, and a big cup of coffee. She gave the food to the kids in the car, who attacked it like wolves, and we stood by the pump eating fries and talking a little. She told me her name, and that she lived in Kansas City . Her boyfriend left 2 months ago and she had not been able to make ends meet. She knew she wouldn't have money to pay rent Jan 1, and finally in desperation had finally called her parents, with whom she had not spoken in about 5 years. They lived in California and said she could come live with them and try to get on her feet there.

So she packed up everything she owned in the car. She told the kids they were going to California for Christmas, but not that they were going to live there. I gave her my gloves, a little hug and said a quick prayer with her for safety on the road. As I was walking over to my car, she said, 'So, are you like an angel or something?'This definitely made me cry. I said, 'Sweetie, at this time of year angels are really busy, so some times God uses regular people.' It was so incredible to be a part of someone else's miracle. And of course, you guessed it, when I got in my car it started right away and got me home with no problem. I'll put it in the shop tomorrow to check, but I suspect the mechanic won't find anything wrong. Some times the angels fly close enough to you that you can hear the flutter of their wings...

Psalms 55:22 'Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee. He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.'
______________________________

'Father, I ask You to bless my children, grandchildren, friends, relatives and email buddies reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of your love and power. Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit this very moment. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there is self doubt, release a renewed confidence through Your grace, In Jesus' precious name. Amen.'
______________________________

When Satan is knocking at your door, simply say, 'Jesus, could You please get that for me.'

Another Reason to Love Doctor Who...

Mom and were watching Doctor Who the other day and I caught something I missed the first time I'd seen that particular episode. Season 4 opens with an episode called Voyage of the Damned, where this humanoid race are on a flying ship modelled after the most famous Earth ship, the Titanic. On board is a tour guide for when the go "ashore"... He's got a degree on earthonomics. :P Anywho, the ships travelling during Christmas time, so he explains about what the holiday is to the humans.

London is in the country of U-Kay, ruled by King Wensleslas (sp?). The great god of the holiday is Santa who has claws and is married to Mary. At Christmas Great France and Great Germany go to war with Turkey, And as part of the victory they eat the people as a delicacy.... Suffice it to say, his history is a little off. :P

ANYwho... the Doctor was asked what the holiday was REALLY about... He says it's a long story... and that he should know, he "got the last room".... That's like one of the only sci-fi shows I know that makes any mention of the birth of Christ. No it wasn't preachy or spilling out the whole story, but that's not what Doctor Who is about anyway. I don't know... Just the fact that it was mentioned... I mean shoot... According to Trek universe, we were all created (aliens and humans alike) from one being or whatever nonesense they spewed on that one episode of Next Gen... I kinda ignore that episode. And BSG is all about the Greek gods....

I don't expect sci-fi shows to mention God or Christ. It seems like sci-fi is created by people of science beliefs and not faith beliefs... And I guess it makes sense... I mean in high school I wondered if there was Christian geared sci-fi books and someone looked at me like I was on crack. Like I was asking for something contradictory. Turns out there is... so there... :P Plus ONE of these days in the far far future I'm sure... I'll publish sci-fi books with that hint of my Christian faith (cuz I'm by no means an expert in my faith so I'm not about to lead anyone astray with LOTS of stuff....)

Anyway... It's 230am... I shoulda been in bed an hour ago... Still gotta season the chicken before it spoils (it's defrosted already but been too hot to turn the oven on :P )... Clean up after the kitties.... and get ready for bed...

v--v

Okay... I think it as a sign that I am a little vampire obsessive when I start dreaming about them.... Right?

Both my mother and I are both reading vampire books (me, Betsy, Queen of the Dead series, and her, Black Dagger Brotherhood which I will be reading next)... We're waiting the Twilight to come out in theatres... No, we have not read the books... Heck, I had to keep reminding her it WAS off a book series.... Now she wants to buy them now that SHE discovered there were SEVERAL books to the series... :P I'm like... Finish the books ya got! But I know I'll be dying to read more vampy books too...

Too bad I don't have anymore vampy TV... I heard Moonlight and Blood Ties was cancelled... Blood+ ended... True Blood is of course a premium channel only thing.... Bastards.... Heck I'd settle for reruns of what was that show... Dark Knight? Anywho.. old show... I'd watch my few vampire movies... but how many time can ya watch Interview with a Vampre or the Underworld movies? Plus they lack the feel I get from my books anyway....

Then there's the RPing... I stick to that little grid game mainly for the RPing... :P

Anywho... I musta fallen asleep to a Twilight trailer on TV or something.. cuz my dreams last night were ALL about vampires. Like lotsa mini episodes of a vampy show created in my dreamland. It was awesome.... if freaky. :P Had a very real quality to it... you know, not counting the fact that it was about vampires. Wish I'd written it down while it was fresh in my head.. Ah well.. Maybe tonight. :P

v--v Lotsa love bites for you all! v--v

Updates... Take Two....

Okay soo.... Wednesday the last of our utilities were turned on. Water & Power had been turned .. we moved in cuz landlords were doing some work in here. Telephone and Cable (yes we count it as a utility :P ) was turned on the day after we moved in..... Gas... Oh boy.. No we had to wait near a week for that one. Did you know end of October is a BIG moving period for alot of folks? I didn't. Yep, those appointments filled up fast for the Gas Co. So we had a long wait. No cooking.... No heater... No hot water!

Cold showers suck when it's freezing... Yucky as it sounds, I didn't wash my hair everyday. And the day the lady from the gas co. came, I waited as long as possible hoping they'd come before I HAD to shower. And I was almost in ... okay I WAS in tears when she said she couldn't light the pilot on the water heater cuz the vent tube whatever wasn't connected right. Luckily the land lord came right over and fixed it before she left. So yay for heat and hot water. We cooked that very night... Okay heated up a frozen lasagna dinner in the oven. :P And omg! Hot showers here with the super shower head (which we only had on trickle to reduce the cold water on us before) is absolutely heavenly! I mean it practically massages you!

Okay I'll stop babbling about that, cuz that's not why I started this anyway... Week one of unpacking fun.... Kitchen is all functional finally. :) Laundry room/kitty's room is all set. Linens are all put away... That leaves just the bathroom to figure out to be a fully functional home. With a counter-less sink area and a different storage system than we're used to, I'm just not sure what I want in the bathroom and what I want in the surplus supplies closet. Things would be much easier if Mom didn't have tons of make up and hair crap. :P But then I can't fault her for being your average female. :P So I figure I'll do that tomorrow or Monday.... Probably Monday..

That leaves the decorating stuff left... The purdies that belong in the hutch.. the little table decorations I had... pulling out the knickknacks and finding new homes for them both in the living room and my room... Then trying to figure out where to put ALL our books and movies and oh boy do we have a lot of both!

The personal crap like miscelleneous crap that goes in nightstands and various drawers or various files and paperwork will find their homes in time... I'm not touching her mountain of files and records... :P But I figure the bulk of the unpacking will be over by Friday.

Then the joyous job of calling everyone (bill ppl mostly) and telling them we moved... Blah blah... Speaking of calling people.. My cell phone is like on it's death bed. That is to say it can't charge anymore. I can hear lil bits rattling inside the charger port. Fun stuff... Luckily we still have insurance on that line. So once I get over the hope of a brand new phone I'll probably just call and have them send me a new one of the model I have now. Currently Mom and I both have to charge our batteries using an old cell phone that doesn't work except for charging. But taking the batt out alot and charging that way is slowly killing Mom's batt... So I imagine mine will die too... Ah well...

Soo... Thursday we had a fun mishap...... Emphasis on sarcasm there..... I was doing laundry and I guess the sink got full of towl fuzz or something. I dunno.. I'm used to big laundry rooms where the water doesn't drain out into a sink! Anywho... the fuzz got clogged in the drain... and yay the sink overflowed..... Water all over the floor... and filled the litter box! Well there's a waste of half a box of litter.... And we had no more... so had to run out and buy some... And yay for me.. had to clean out a muddy litter box and muddy floor cuz our retarded cats like to kick litter out of their box... Thoroughly disgusting night. Got bitched at for something not my fault.. but life's too short so I'm not gonna elaborate and get mad all over again...

The only bad thing about living here... :P .... is no dishwasher! :P Okay, just kidding.. I don't mind TOO much unless I wait too long to do them. But dude... we totally need a dish rack or something... cuz right now I'm using ice cube trays to put stuff on just so they can dry! None of our kitchen towels are all that absorbant or I'd dry them and just put them away. Yet another thing to get for our New Home shopping list. :)

Exhausting unpacking... Disgusting litter mess... Cold showers... And weird climbing into bed (cuz my side's against the wall til Mom gets her own set of furniture)... All that said.. I'm still glad we moved. :) I love it here. :) And so do my furry babies!

Updates.....

Where to start.... Well sad news... Tweedledum got hit by a car sometime month before last... Poor lil Dumdum... That was sad for a little while until Tweezers started coming around more.. As if Dum had been keeping Tweezy away...

End of September I got a computer virus. FUN stuff man... No really.... >.< Yeah... Took me ages to save my crap to discs and emails. Then dropped off my poor baby at my Dad's place so my bro could fix it... Wiped it clean... Reformatted... Put on new Norton crap... Lemme tell ya, the week comp was gone, I used mobile web-ness ALOT. Then you know.. You get the comp back and have to put your own crap back on it... Catch up on a week's worth of emails and month's worth of forum posts and stuff from my various net activities. Still playing catch up on those by the way...

Like a week or so after getting the comp back, so began the packing adventure. Yep... Packing for... MOVING! Let me tell ya, I was not as organized this move. I dunno what went wrong or where I dropped the ball.. But much of the packing took place the last week and some still on moving days. It was crazy! And then setting up utilities I guess was later than usual (I can't remember when I started them last two moves). As a result, we are sans gas (stove and hot water) for a few more days...and we've been here since Thurday night already!

Had to hire movers. Note to self: make more male friends.... It was steeper than planned.. but without them I dunno how we woulda done it all without being exhausted ten times worse than we were and with broken backs... Though, we took a couple casualties... Two TV carts broke. Mom's is functional.. Mine was shot. Thank GOD I packed my VCR and DVD player and didn't leave them in the cart... But they seran wrapped everything... made comps and desks they sat on all one movable unit.. no unhooking things or packing needed.. it was great for "unpacking" when we got there.

Ditched the massive fridge we've had for years. To tall and too wide to fit in most places.. Mom was too tired to care. So we left it outside and gave it away. We're using the land lady's fridge for now. We really don't need the huge one anymore anyway...

Moving days, the strays kept coming around for food... but like early on the food got packed up and lost in the shuffle. So all they got was dry food. Tweezy and Tigger figured out they could get food from neighbor on the end. She has a cat and a dog already but she practically adopted Bandit (formerly known as Tweedledee). And she feeds the strays too. So I'm not worried... Did feel bad about Jacob though. Maybe I'll write a letter to the asshat who only sorta owns him now. I know his address after all... That or give SoCal's Humaine Society a jingle.

Thursday we moved most of the stuff... Mom made a few trips solo on Friday while I waited around for cable guy to arrive and finish up... >.< I mean I unloaded for her but still she hefted up ALOT on her own...After we unloaded her second trip's worth, we took off for one last load. Odds and ends that fit really ackwardly. But they DID fit. I cleaned up (vacuum only cuz mopping fluid got packed :P ) and then we took our last hot showers... We like just left the keys in the apartment and left :P

Oh! and we found this four wheel flat bed cart thingie the movers were looking for in the bushes. :P We kept it... Cost of damages. :P

Anywho... We're moved in... Happy... Tired, but happy... Unpacking adventure begins tomorrow while Mom's working. :)

Babbling

Okay... So life here is going to be different.... Mom's going to be working from home now. I'm happy for her. Less driving and no stress from ucky supervisor.... But I kinda like having the place to myself sometimes. Not that I don't love my Mom and love spending time with her... But you know, I just like a few hours all to myself....

I think I'm going to start seriously working towards a goal though. Get job.... Work on fixing my credit mess..... Save money..... Move out.... I'll be 29 this April, so maybe by the time I'm 30?

Never thought about living on my own until this past year. Never felt motivated... never had a pressing need.... I get along with Mom and we like spending time together... But it'll be nice to live on my own... To set up everything the way -I- want it. To clean up after only me (and cats).

Started making mental plans. Like thinking about saving money for furniture that I'd need and dishes and things. I have bedroom furniture, so there's something I won't have to buy...

I just need to get unstuck.... I've been living in this comfort zone since we left Anaheim. In Long Beach I was too scared to leave. I mean we lived not far from Prostitute Lane and just houses down, kids got shot at.... Part of me had this, it's only temporary mentality. We'll move and I can start my real life.... But all that ended up happening was me getting more and more stuck into this bum life. Oh I help with rent a little and I cook and clean... But I could and need to do more.... So we moved to safer Norwalk.... But I'm stuck... I'm tired of being stuck... I don't even know why I can't get out of this. I -should- be motivated to do stuff. Maybe with this new "move out" goal. I actually miss work... Even at my old crappy bookstore job. I almost don't even care what I do. With Mom home 24/7, I think I'll finally be motivated to get up and do stuff. Here's praying anyway....

Life Stuff... Moving

So... It took like months and MONTHS to find a pet friendly apartment. What's so wrong with having cats these days? Anywho... We took it. And while this apartment is very nice and far more spacious than the last one, it is rather pricey for a one bedroom. So without much help from me, Mom wanted to move. Well she always wanted to live closer to Nana anyway...

Okay fine... we renewed last year's lease only becasued we didn't have a place to move to yet. So we opted for an 11 month renewal instead of a full year. Month to month is like 300 bucks more..... INSANE..... But the ding bat in the office typed it up wrong and when Mom signed the official lease renewal she didn't notice because she trusted and was likely tired.... Bleh.... So we're here til end of October like I had originally wanted, only now I don't want it. :P

ANYWHO.... New place... Will be in San Pedro but not like down the street from Nana's... Yay for buffer zone.... One of her "connections" so the land lords are totally nice. It's a house type unit connected to one other unit by a sliver of roof over a walkway between the two units. Nice hard wood floors in rooms and pretty tile work in the bathroom, kitchen, and laundry room! Washer and dryer included... Pretty front door and screen door for the babies... TWO bedrooms... Smallish rooms....one of the rooms is even smaller than the Long Beach apartment had, but TWO ROOMS!!!!! And of course there's a yard with real grass! Parking on the property so mom doesn't have to park on street.... Storage shed I'm hoping they don't tear down.... No dishwasher but ceiling fans in all the rooms... It's a charming little place.

I went from dreading the move to Nana's or any crappy apartment in San Pedro to DYING to move into the place. I took foot measurements of what will likely be my room to see if I could arrange my furniture on a mini map. Mom doesn't really have any but she doesn't care. We're both very excited. We're hoping once the usual clean-up and painting is done that we can move in slowly. But I don't care if we have to do it all in one weekend again. So weeeee for a new happy home.

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Comment(s):

Pictures! I want pictures!

Posted by Melissa Tian on August 20, 2008 - Wednesday - 7:04 PM


Well I didn't think to take any of it while we were looking it over... But when it's all repainted and clean I'll be sure to take pics then. :D

Posted by Relaya on August 20, 2008 - Wednesday - 7:18 PM


wow! what awesome news, fwend!*hugs*

Posted by sarah on August 20, 2008 - Wednesday - 9:36 PM

Life Stuff..... Movies

Last month we saw four movies. (Thank you, Daddy!) Fourth of July weekend, we saw Hancock and Wanted. Like one wild roller coaster, both movies were SOOO fun but over WAAAY too quickly. For a week after, Mom and I kept saying we wanted to see Wanted again. And I made Josh find me a couple of the songs from the soundtrack as soon as possible.

A couple weeks later, we went to see Journey to the Center of the Earth and the Dark Knight. Journey I thought was just gonna be this silly little family fun movie...but it turned out to be better than expected and over far too soon! :P What's with film makers these days, cramming two hours worth of stuff into an hour and a half or less.

Dark Knight.... I loved that movie! I'm dying to see it again! After one week, I thought "oh the feeling will pass". But it never did... How many weeks since we saw it? I still would jump at the chance to see it. It's funny, even Mom keeps saying she wants to see it again. Said so just tonight too.

Favorite quote in that movie: "Madness is a lot like gravity. All you need is a little push."

Heath's performance as the Joker was scary good. It only makes his death even more sad. Jack was good as the Joker... But Heath's Joker made Jack's Jocker look sane. I'm still bummed Batman said no to finding out where the Joker got his scars... I sooo wanted to hear another version of the tale. :P

I want to go see more movies... I get the funny feeling after we move we won't be going to the movies very much. I don't know why... Maybe an overall feeling of doom and gloom associated with moving. :P

Who's going to see the new Star Wars movie? I kinda think I'll watch it IF it comes on TV.... Half the cast of voices or more will be replaced with nobodies... Tossing in that unknown alien chick seems silly... I mean yeah..learning more about the Clone Wars would be interesting. Those prequel movies went by too quickly and weren't fleshed out properly. Like Lucas was in a rush to make those movies. Shame. The original three were such fun and awesome movies even today....

There's supposed to be another Trek movie coming out. I guess chronologically it falls before the original series began. So, yay, another boring series/movie about how Trek lore got started. I don't know why they're bothering... Enterprise (the show) KILLED the franchise. I mean they so gave up that they packed up and auctioned off much of the models and collectables that they kept for filming purposes. While Enterprise had an interesting premise... The execution sucked. I can't see the film of the beginning of Kirk's crew fairing any better.

We borrowed a bunch of movies (thanks Dad) one weekend because Mom was DYING to see something. I dunno, she saw a commercial for one of a series and suddenly had the urge to watch the whole series of them. So we get dressed... Drive over... and pick up a BUNCH of movies. Wanna know how many we watched? She and I saw one... I watched another one on my own. I'm so tired of waiting for her to get in the "mood" to watch one movie or another. Same goes for any movie I may have taped for "her".... I'm done waiting... Before we move, I'm watching all of Dad's movies we borrowed and anything I may have taped that I'm waiting for her "mood" to come around.

Eeeps... When I started this, it was only gonna be a short blurb! Honest! :P I babble more later at night I think... Anywho... Enough babble.. Think I'll go mimi now... well after I tidy the kitchen.

Life Stuff..... My Furry Babies

As of late May, Oreo turned TEN years old. We had him at least most of those years. As of mid May, Pixie turned ONE, and as of mid July, she's been living with us for a year. And both of them have us wrapped around their little claws...

Oreo taddles on me when I don't feed him right away or open the door for him in the morning. Yes, taddles. He meows at Mom. Mom will say "Carisa, feed the baby//open the door for the baby!" And Oreo will look to the door to see towards my direction to see if I'm moving. If not, he looks back to Mom until she calls again. Sometimes, I watch him do this for a while til both Mom and I are laughing.

Pixie Styx is goofy, weird, and soooo smart. She chases shadows and imaginary "pixies". She hates being stared at, especially when she's getting attention from someone else. She'll actually yell at me when I stare at her while Mom's scratching her. And for the longest time the only place she asked for scratching was in the bathroom when we were on the toilet. All that said, she already picked up on the manipulating the Mommies trick.

So, last night, Mom's getting ready for bed in the bathroom. I'm in the next room clearing off the bed for her. We're talking through the door. Well, she's scratching Pixie, but not as good as usual since her focus is split. Pixie yelled at mom to scratch her properly. When that didn't work, she up and left the bathroom, walked out to me and yelled at me to shut up, and then walked back to the bathroom to get her scratching. Mom and I were BUSTING UP LAUGHING!

How Could They?

How can people be so cruel to animals? I just don't understand. I mean it took us months to find an apartment that accepted pets because we couldn't bear the thought of giving up Oreo. My friend Steven made sure when he had to move too far to take his dog with him that he found a home for it before he left. I'd rather live in a dump before just abandoning my babies to some shelter. I felt horrible when we dropped off a kitten to some random shelter. But we didn't know how to care for the teeny tiny thing properly and there at least he had a chance of being adopted.

~sighs~ I guess neither of those sad stories were as sad as some of the things I've seen on Animal Cops. Mom can't watch that show too long. Makes her too sad. Makes me sad too, but I like to see that the poor animals get rescued. But some of the things.... I wonder how people can be so cruel.... neglect... abandonment... Collars or chains digging into their skin... Throwing them away in the trash! Shooting them.... Making them fighters.... And the laws aren't stict enough to punish people properly. I wish these people could get the same treatment if not worse that they inflict on their so called beloved pets.

Goodbye Isis..and Baby....

Okay.. this is gonna be way shorter since Myspace LOST my first attempt at this....

Baby and Isis were two grey kitties we fed. Baby showed up over a year ago. Poor thing got real sick or something and started dropping weight REAL fast a couple months ago. Weak and limping, we think he got hit by a car in the car port. Another stray cat feeding neighbor called SEAACA (humaine society) and got him picked up. Thank God... Poor Baby, he was suffering so... crying out of hunger pains and nothing but skin and bones.

Isis was an Egyptian looking kitten with long limbs and a pointier features. She was sooo pretty. Showed up about a week or so ago... She's not even a year old so she cries ALOT for food, attention, company...anything. Heard her crying outside upstairs neighbor's door. I thought maybe one of the neighbors lost their kitty. She sorta camped outside our window most. Cried off and on ALL day long. She was the sweetest and cutest little thing. She broke Mom's heart. She needed to be adopted. So we couldn't take it and called SEAACA. Wednesday I waited ALL day til they picked her up at the last possible minute.

With Baby we were relieved. We knew they'd put him down. He was sick, injured, and kinda old. So with overpopulation I hope they put him out of his misery. Or if by some miracle they did save him, I hope he's in a loving home now. But we were prepared for the worst, so we were glad he'd be out of pain. But with Isis... She was so cute and loving..... We're happy she'll be in a home soon... but still kinda sad to see her go. Mom said if we could afford it, we'd probably have taken her in too. And though I hate to admit it, I think I wished we had. Tweedledee and Tweedledum (two black and white stray kittens from Pixie's litter) helped by being extra cute since Isis was picked up... As if they knew we needed the smile. Maybe God was thinking of us by sending them.

Anyway... Goodbye Baby and Isis... Wherever you are, I hope you two never suffer again...

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Comment(s):

Goodbye.. *sniffle* So nice of you to look after them.

Posted by Jordan Darkchild on June 20, 2008 - Friday - 3:47 PM

The Truth is Worse...

Yesterday morning Jacob came up to the door. Yelled for food or attention like usual. I walked him to the apartment we were led to believe is home to Jacob... Maintenance had told us one apartment, but those tenants had been there a year and didn’t know the cat.... Neighbor kid said it was a few apartments down that actually owned the cat. Went there (as I have been for the past few days off and on with Jacob) and no one was home. Okay, probably at work... Kept walking to the main office, with Jacob right behind me. That poor boy will follow me everywhere.

Anywho... When I got there... The girl in the office had found out about him. Said 215 (first apt) had owned him years ago. Moved out and left him behind. 219 (second apt) wasn’t the owner... He like us, just fed him. And like Mark (neighbor who adopted Tiger and almost adopted Pixie), sometimes let him inside. He was just like us... Feeding a stray he felt sorry for. And all this time Mom and I have been sooo mad at him and calling him names.... Thankfully he didn’t hear them, but I am sorry we did call him names as he’s not the one responsible for poor Jacob’s situation.

So the real person we should be mad at is the one who moved out and just left Jacob. Why? Because he was an indoor/outdoor cat and they thought he’d be okay? I guess he was when he had a running mate (this one cat who was even bigger than the bigboy Jacob is and looked like Oreo says Mom).... But his friend’s owner moved out shortly after we got here to a house (yay for them). So Jacob lost his human family and his feline friend. He’s just been getting lonelier and lonelier.

If we had a carrier.. Maybe we could take him to a rescue or a shelter. Yeah he’s being fed... But he’s unhappy. He keeps coming to us more and more just for me to give him some loving. Wish someone would adopt him. Mom thinks he’d make a nice companion for an older person. Jacob’s not a young cat, so he’s grumpy sometimes. Has an older person’s personality that she thinks will work with an elderly person. Like they’ll keep each other alive by fiesty-ness alone.

Ah well.... Fluffy stopped coming around. But supposedly the management is trying to catch and rid the apartments of strays. Haven’t seen Midnight or the Godfather in ages either. Godfather I HOPE found his home. I had put up flyers and after that day, never saw him again. Midnight I dunno about.. Maybe he got adopted or caught. Leaves just Baby and Jacob that we feed. From the near ten strays we fed a year ago to just two. Good for me... It was getting kinda crazy before. But now we don’t feed feral strays... Jacob and Baby are practically family. We’d even take Jacob in if we thought Oreo wouldn’t mind... which he does... They hiss at each other through the screen door. Ah well.... C’est la vie....

Lies! All Lies!

(attempt number two... ~curses cancel button~)

Okay... so lately... I don’t check Myspace that often. Bad me and whatever.... But I come on here and I see New Blog Posted in the red box.... Oh joy! I love reading people’s blogs... Open up my blog home page... Nada..... Why!? Why Myspace do you lie to me!!!! I smile at the thought of reading someone’s blog and poof bang nothing.... Le sigh.... Anywho.. Enough of that silliness.....

I have a confession... I’ve grown addicted to these little game/applications on Facebook... Ssshhh... Don’t tell Myspace. Hmm.. Maybe that’s why it’s been lying to me...... Anywho... I’m addicted to these games... And the only sucky thing is... Facebook eats a TON of my comp’s limited virtual memory. I end up having to restart if I play too long or access it too often. So I am bummed.. I have to schedule it as like the last thing I do online before shutting the comp down.

In kitty news.... Pixie’s learned getting loving (held and or scratched) is a GOOOOOD thing. She can’t get enough now... So now she wants TWICE as much attention... Not only lots of playing but also loving sessions. Oreo’s getting jealous. :P Now he’s always begging for loving... from Mom and I both. He’s usually a Mama’s boy (and by that I mean Mom not me).... Yeah we’re two mommies.. but I’m usually the "dad" in this lil furry family.. I play with them, I disicpline them... And I get to do their dirty cleanup work too... Yay that’s great... But lately, Oreo wants loving from even me... Usually I’m only good for playing. So yay for me getting affection from the baby boy.

They changed policy here. No more indoor/outdoor pets un supervised. No more feeding/boarding strays. Mom was like I hope that wasn’t directed at us! I laughed and told her about the lady on the end who keeps an open pet carrier with food and water dishes for strays.... Another person leaves SEVERAL water dishes out. Lots of the tenants feed strays. The one we HOPE will read the notice and follow it (hasn’t yet followed it) was the bastard who now owns Jacob. That poor cat spent most of the weekend outside our door. Starved most of the time.. I think the bastard went on vacation AGAIN. Jacob had to find shelter while it rained. We left a towel out for him to sit in during the day. Bastard was home yesterday and I didn’t see Jacob... I was relieved until I saw him again today. Poor Jacob. We’d adopt him if our babies and him got along... But he’s a big older cat... He needs a loving home.... I almost hope the traps the manager set catch him and he goes to the shelter. That will teach that bastard.

Mom and I have taken to watching Firefly and Serenity over and over and over again. Firefly was only on for one season so we’ll watch a few episodes a day and usually by the weekend we’ll watch Serenity. Addicted I tell ya. We love the show... Most of the episodes are our favorites... We love the crew... the chemistry they have.... The show’s got a lil bit of everything and we love it all! Once a week we’ll have watched it all.... We’ve been doing it for weeks on end now. We never get sick of it. :P Mom blames me... And we’re both the same... One of us will say we want to watch it and the other will say me too! or I was just thinking the same thing! It’s funny. It really is an awesome series and movie... Highly recommend all my friends and family watch it. ~nodsnods~

Oh and look at me babbling away.. Only came on to blurb about the blog thing. :p Anywho.. Toodles....