Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Eggshell Season…

Nope. I’m not talking about Easter baskets and plastic eggshells stuffed with hidden treasures. Today marks two years. I knew his birthday would be a sad one as Tata’s birthdays were always full of sadness or general foul moods. But I guess I kinda hoped we wouldn’t be that family that annually marked the day we lost him.



Mom took off today and tomorrow but I’m sure she would have taken the entire week if she could have. I’m pretty sure she will be taking off the Friday before his birthday and possibly the Monday after again if she has the hours. Dad too is taking time off, but then he was planning on taking off the end of the week anyway I thought cuz he worked straight through the weekend.



I mean it’s not a nothing day. It’s still too fresh in our memories for that. But in giving it more attention than the passing sad reminder it would have been if life continued normally just seems like taking a step backwards. His birthday will probably always be sad, like Tata’s is for Mom. But I don’t want to think about THE day. It brings up WAY too sad memories of THE day and the days that followed other than just being sad for the loss, like forcing me to relive a car wreck or something.



So while I’ll try and live this week as normal as possible, I have to walk on eggshells. Can’t bring up him. Heck, I’m even afraid to mention the name even when it’s not in reference to him. Part of me thinks now would be a really good time to go off on a solo adventure. Yeah right. Today I’ll sleep most of the day, which will do the same thing….reduce the hours I’m around her while she’s awake. Tomorrow, we’ll see. But there’s no movies I’m willing to blow cash (okay movie pass) on and unless I wake early enough, doubtful I’ll go to Dis to take pictures. I’ll try to be the good daughter when we’re both awake and do as she asks without delays or complaint, but mostly I think I’ll spend this week hiding (even more so than usual) in the computer and in my movies. Maybe if I don’t see her obsessing, I won’t be reminded of what she’s obsessing over.

1 comment:

kumquaticus said...

i'm here for you, fwend*big hugs*