Survived the Day

Today being the anniversary, I kinda dreaded the day. Not so much for myself. Not that I don't get sad thinking about it or get a little haunted by the memory of that night... But praise God, I've managed to...I guess get past some of the grief that still grips my parents. I don't expect them to ever be 100% okay with the loss, I mean not even I will be. But it's a date in our heads that just seems to make that loss feel all the worse.

My hurdle to survive is trying to be there for them. But I inadvertently cheated. I stayed up later than usual, busy dong kitchen and other chores, which only made me nod off in front of the comp or TV tons until I gave in and went to bed at like almost 1 p.m. and then slept til 6 p.m. ... So I was asleep more than I was awake while Mom was up. This morning when she got up (at like 2:30 in the morning! cuz she's always a super early riser and a nut :-P ), she seemed okay-ish. We talked and joked some...a little like normal. And she goes to bed early (cuz of the whole waking ridiculously early), so she was in bed an hour or two after I got up. She'd been watching tapes (of our recorded shows as she's WAY behind), which is a good sign she wasn't super depressed all day (she'd have vegged on crap reruns otherwise).

When I talked to Dad earlier tonight, he sounded okay. Well, distracted, but then he was busy making food. We didn't talk too long, so I dunno how well he fared.

I think we all kind of held our breath and braced ourselves. I hope one day, today will be just another day. I mean his birthday is one thing, but I don't want an anniversary of his death day.